Howdy Dowdy!

I seem to be having some sort of blog identity crisis. I've opened a tumblr account a while back and while that's all fun, I honestly believe it's more of a picture blog than writing kinda blog.

I was in the mood to blog tonight, but didn't feel like using tumblr as a means to satisfy my need. I have not forgotten about my blogger, I just rarely have the time or want to update. Tonight, I do.

There is less than a week left of 2010 and I really feel a little weirded out that a new year is already upon us. 2010 was a good year for me and my family and I am a little sad to see it go, especially after such a rough 2009-- worst year of my life.

So 2011, how do I feel about you? Honestly, I'm not entirely sure how I feel about you. I feel good things and there's a little undertone of fear in there.

..I will be starting the nursing program after all.

OH YES, you read that correctly! FINALLY! I started this blog around the same time I started my college career and I am just now finally going to start my school's registered nursing program! Praise Jesus!

So it was a year and half of working on pre-requisites and two semesters of waiting. In those two semesters of wait, I decided to pursue another degree and your girl is officially a college graduate. I've got a Liberal Arts degree in math and science and it's going to look really nice hanging on my wall. (Haha)

It's so nice to finally have the finish line visible. In two years, you could just call me Jenn the RN. :P

#161

That is my current number on the waiting list of my school's RN program. At only 40 students a semester it's a pretty steep number, about a 3 semester wait. I don't really care. I have been working my hind end off since Spring semester of 2008 JUST for that number.

I remember envying people on the waiting list. Well, here I am just idly twiddling my thumbs until I can finally say that I am no longer a pre-nursing student. I guess I'm not really twiddling my thumbs doing nothing. I'm currently taking Spanish, Statistics, and Political Science. Pretty chill semester, but still keeping me busy which is what I need to be doing! Actually, after one more semester I will be eligible for transfer to a CSU AND graduation with my general associate's degree. Will I file for it? Probably not. I don't know. I started this college game for nursing and will finish it with nursing. I mean, it wouldn't be so bad just to have something to hang on the wall in the mean time, but I don't really feel like I earned it. Hard to explain, but I just want to be able to hang a degree on the wall and when I look at it, know exactly how much blood, sweat, and tears I've put into it.

This is also my first blog of 2010. I know I know! The new year has been an okay one so far. Health, finances, and love are blossoming. I actually promised myself no new makeup or clothes for 3 months. Seriously, after some Spring cleaning I realized just how much stuff I have! A majority of my clothes and makeup are either new or barely used! I'm hoping this 3 month break will allow me to rotate things. Sigh. I've only made the promise less than a week ago and I'm already lemming for a trip to Sephora. Hahaha.

This year has also really opened my heart and eyes to my TRUE friends. Friends that I'm almost certain I will grow old with- making those nursing rounds as little old Filipino ladies. :] They're just the kind of people that I'm able to completely open up to without the fear of being judged. They criticize, yes, but constructively. They're REAL people and they're exactly what I need in this point of my life.

My son is blossoming into a precocious little boy. At this moment he is playing with his DSi and saying.."Ya want that?? HI YAH!" Excuse him, he's playing his 'Kung-fu Panda' game. <3

I still need to put together his Easter basket for this year! I'm not sure if I want to put together an actual basket with little toys or if I just want to dye eggs with him this year and hide candy filled plastic ones. Those cute little novelty Easter toys are cute, but they are just low quality. They're either broken or lost within 2 days and I go crazy stuffing his basket with those things! I'm hoping to spend Easter at nearby Apollo park which has beautiful lakes, fishes, and ducks. Achilles can even fish! Lots of potential photo ops as well. :]

Well, thus is life right now. Sweet as honey, but we all know things can go sour just as quickly. So I'm savoring it all.

Until next time,

Jenn

In an ideal world..

..your skin would be glowing and you'd have dark, thick, luxurious and shiny curls on top your head. You're plump and happy. You'd smile at me and say.."Neng, good job."

I'm getting there, Ti Menchie. Everything you wanted for me, I'm making progress to get there. It's hard not being able to just dial your number and tell you that I passed my classes for the semester- or better yet, that I'm finally able to sign up for the nursing program!

We'd talk about our plans for the holidays, what we are getting for our kids, and you'd tell me not to worry about buying anything for your daughter..but like every year, I do.

This is so unbelievably difficult. In less than a week, it's Christmas, then soon after, New Year's! Major holidays without your cooky customs for good luck, health and prosperity. Major holidays without your voice..but most importantly, just you.

I'm wearing one of the perfumes you gave me. You couldn't stand the smell during your pregnancy and even after Hope was born! It's a little bit comforting though, that your hands once held the very same bottle, your finger pushed down on the very same spritzer, and you smelled the very same as I do now.

You wished the best for me so that I may take care of my family- Achilles, your grandson. You always urged me in my studies to become a nurse, that that's what I needed to be. In all honesty though, Tia, what I need to be..is like you.

You had a heart of gold, pure gold, bound by the finest sheets of silk and velvet. You had a face that was kind, warm, always welcoming and your generosity was beyond peaks I've ever known. That is what I need to be, Tia. A nurse? Yeah, maybe one day, but to mirror the same aspects of humanity that you did....that would surely be something I'd be more proud of.

Losing touch..

..with this blogging thing, aren't I?

WELL, Christmas and New Year's are upon us! December also marks the end of the fall semester. This semester is special to me though- it's the last of my pre-requisites. I'm just waiting on my school to mail me my official transcripts so I can finally sign up for the nursing program. :]

Yeah, I'm stoked.

So, this holiday season is going on swimmingly. Usually they stress me out with the gift giving and shopping. BLEH. But this holiday is also my first without my Tia Menchie (RIP) so I'm taking a lesson from her death and trying to enjoy as much of life as I can. I have to admit, although I miss her like crazy even more so because of the holidays, I'm feeling pretty festive this year! Especially since my son is older and able to grasp this time of year more. It's so cute how he asks me about Santa, presents, and how excited he is!

It's crazy how when I was younger I was all about presents for ME. Now that I'm a parent I could care less about what I receive, but rather what I'm going to get for my son!

WELL, since there will be a wait to get into the nursing program I am going to go ahead and start working on my classes to transfer next semester. I'm pretty excited about taking Spanish. I've always enjoyed that class in high school. You know what? I'm just excited to take other classes that are not dealing with biology PERIOD. Can you say 'over-saturated'? Yeah, that's me in a nutshell right now.

I'm taking the winter off! It'll be my first REAL vacation since Spring of '08. I have close to 2 months off! What am I going to do with myself??

Until next time, I assume. I ran out of things to talk about.

A little perturbed..

My life has been throwing me one curve ball after the other. Most recently I found out that due to budget cuts my school's nursing program went from admitting 80 students a semester to a meager 40. My heart is broken.

I've been working my ass off the last year and a half with the necessary pre-requisites. Of course with my luck, only a few weeks before signing up, they pull this shit.

UGH.

Alas, it will happen in due time I'm sure. As much as I feel like giving up, I know I just gotta keep on trucking.

Just keep fishing..something a little blue fish in a well known Disney flick about a little lost clown fish would say.

Autumn is on the horizon.

I'm excited. It's my favorite season, although in the area that I live in I probably only get about 2 weeks of true fall weather. I savor those weeks. :]

Started fall semester on the 24th of August. I've been given a new set of batteries because I'm really feeling the vibe of this semester. Yes, it seems like quite the work load, but with this new found bounce in my step I think it's doable. Physiology seems technical and tedious, but I have the hotts for my professor, so it makes it bearable. Hah! Philosophy is an interesting class. My professor expects us to write in graduate levels so I figure it won't be a class I can easily..BS. lol

I'm really thinking about starting a video blog. I need a hobby! It seems my life revolves around being a mother, a girlfriend, and a student. I give little time in between for myself which is sad. I think a video blog would be the perfect outlet for me, plus it sounds fun! All I would need is a webcam since my laptop took a crap and died. It's cool, my birthday is coming up with a quickness this November. I've added the webcam to my birthday wish list and have submitted in the requests with boss man. <3

Ah, 20 minutes until it's Achilles' nap time. Nap time = heavenly. I guess I better rustle up the heathen kid and get him calmed down for quiet time!

Just wanted to put in a quick update. Until next time!

Menchie Mendoza Tran

After a long fight with cancer for the second time in her life, my aunt passed away on August 24th, 2009. She was only 37-years-old and will forever be missed. I love you so much and sometimes I wonder how I'm going to get through the days, but I know what you wanted from me and I promise you..it'll be done.

Hello again.

It has been a while, yikes! Well, here I am ready to update the cyber world on the going ons of my life.

Life has been both hectic and stressful. I'm not sure how I'm still standing. I've been in and out of a funk these past few months, but I'd rather not go much into detail about why. I'm only asking that you keep me and my family in your good thoughts and prayers.

School? Finished microbiology last week. That class wasn't so bad, although I do believe it was a tad bit more difficult than anatomy. I didn't finish with the amazing mark I was hoping for, but again, there just has been a lot going on in my life. I really put my studies on the back burner as a result. Well, on to physiology in the fall!

Yes, after the fall I will have completed all of my pre-reqs for the nursing program! I only hope that the wait isn't too bad once I apply! I'm thinking of starting a separate blog as soon as I'm an official nursing student. Sounds like it would be fun, eh?

Oh, I'm also taking philosophy in the fall. I'm hoping it's doable with phys. I'm just testing the waters, if not, I'll drop philosophy. I hate that class anyways. I tried taking it last winter intersession, but I seriously wanted to bang my head on the desk half the time. I ended up dropping the class. lol

My son! My son turned 3-years-old just this August 3rd. We took him to Six Flags and had a pizza party on the day of his birthday. He had such a blast at the amusement park. I was surprised at how many little rides they offered for the smaller guests! I'm not much of a ride person myself. I get soooo sick!

Let's see, I'm just enjoying the rest of my summer break until I start fall semester this 24th. I've been pretty low key. Busko works from 8-430 monday-friday, so I'm indoors most of the time. Yeah, I could hop in my truck with the little one and head somewhere fun, but eh, I'm not really feeling spontaneity right now.

Until next time.

Father’s Day..I guess..

I saw my dad on webcam last night. It has been the first time I have seen him animated for many many years. He still looked the same with that same goofy smile. :]

God, I look so much like him. He told me never to forget daddy. I haven’t yet. Don’t know if I ever will.

I’ve learned that parents, even if they were only in your life briefly, still have this strong impact on you. I still have a deep connection with my parental units. Even after everything they’ve put me and my siblings through, I still love them.

There’s a certain beauty about young children and how they see their parents. No matter how trashy, irresponsible, or just plain old bad their parents might be, these kids will ALWAYS see right through that.

Take for example a snippet from my childhood. I was living in a not so nice area in a roach infested house. My parents slept in throughout the day, leaving me and my sisters to find food for ourselves. Sometimes we’d throw random things together like ketchup and day old rice or we’d just go hungry. Sometimes my grandma would take us to her house and feed us, but where would we want to go as soon as our bellies were full? Right back home with mommy, daddy, and the roaches.

I can’t say I really enjoy this holiday. I can’t even enjoy it for Busko. Meh. That’s all I have to say. Meh.

Soo tired..

Only 2 days into the summer session and I’m already so tired! I think I’m just burned out from the spring. My brain has totally been farting on me, especially during labs. For example, I was supposed to measure .8 grams of nutrient broth, but for some reason measured .08. What an effing rookie mistake! And today I just did not have the patience to look for different specimens on wet mounts under the microscope.

Ugh. I gotta finish this class though. Time is too precious to waste.

Early this Sunday..

I’m still up. I’m feeling the grips of fatigue, but I figured a blog would be nice before hitting the hay.

My summer vacation has so far just been a leisurely one. I stay indoors most of the time. I don’t really feel like going out. The weather has took a sharp turn here in the AV. It’s windy and cold. It actually stormed a few days ago! I’m talking the rain, clouds, and lightening- the whole shabang!

Kind of weird after a few weeks of 80+ degree weather.

Anyways, I don’t know if I mentioned in my previous post that my professor for my summer course has already assigned us some homework. Stupid technology and what we call e-mail. Sometimes maybe I don’t want to be reached.

My little brother texted me earlier in some sort of crisis. Turns out the Powerpoint program on their home desktop was deleted, along with his presentation due this Monday. Seemed like THE important end of the year assignment so I volunteered to help him. We spent a good hour or two chatting via AIM while I put together his Powerpoint. Hahaha. He says it’s actually coming together better than his first. Ohhh yeahhhhh.

It’s a country report. I remember doing my country report back in the day (I say this like I’m old). I used paper and a report cover. I thought the report cover was fancy! Again with the damning of technology.

I got to webcam with my mother last night and some other family members I have in the Philippines. It was nice. I haven’t seen my mother in motion in years. I’ve only seen pictures.

She says I look like my father and that she likes my nose, it’s pointy and not flat like hers or my siblings. :P

Ah, to dream a life with parents. What would it have been like?

It’s my summer vacation!

Wooot. Monday was my final lab practicum and yesterday I had my final lecture exam. I have to admit I didn’t exactly study up to my regular standards, but I managed a B on my lab practical and I’m sure AT LEAST a C on that lecture exam. I’m pretty sure my final grade in the class will be a B. Hollaaaa.

So my first day off and..I’m going to go grocery shopping! Hahaha. Lame. Action will start next week when I head to San Jose. I won’t be there too long though. Just the 10-12, for my brother’s 8th grade graduation. I’d like to stay longer, but that costs money. Money, which needs to be saved right now.

Speaking of money, since Busko works as an ITC for the county, he receives benefits. We’re going to legalize our domestic partnership so I can get under his medical insurance. How romantic, right?

Eh, not much more to say. Life is really sweet right now besides an often sour toddler. :P

Just trying this babeh out..

Soo, Busko downloaded this Windows Live writer thingamajig. In fact, I’m typing this blog through it right now. Just messing around, you know. 

Achilles, washing his dirt bike.

THIS IS A TABLE!	HOW AWESOME
IS	THIS??

Mother's Day!

At exactly midnight I was surprised by a bouquet of flowers and a just woken Achilles with card in hand. I really got teary eyed as lame as that sounds. Busko hasn't bought me flowers in about 2 years and a half, no lie!

He took me out for lunch at a hibachi style Japanese restaurant near by. The food was so good especially since the hibachi place we would hit up back in San Jose had bland food, but a good show. This place had a good show AND good food!

The restaurant even gave me a beautiful carnation wrapped in ribbon bound cellophane. :]

Anywho, after we headed to the Dollar Tree. I saw in their recent ad that they were selling luau themed decorations and since Achilles' 3rd birthday party will be said themed, I had to take advantage of the dollar decorations! Sure, his party isn't until the beginning of August, but gosh, for a dollar a pop who could let that deal pass?

I got the CUTEST decorations! They make me so impatient for his birthday party. Probably more so than Achilles! lol It's funny because as soon as I told Achilles to look at all the neat things we bought for his birthday party his eyes widened up and he kept asking me, "Making my birthday party??" I had to keep telling him his birthday party wasn't for another few months. Hahaha.

It's so hotttttt today. I didn't even feel like doing anything else. I just wanted to lay in my room with portable little AC on. lol

I'm so happy with how my Mother's day went though- probably the best so far! Now to finish the last couple of weeks of the semester and then a week off before Summer session and microbiology! Hahaha.

Happy Mother's Day, everybody! Hope you all have a good one!

Lab Practical II..

91/100. YES!

It was definitely a picker upper after the last 2 C's I got on those stupid nervous system tests. I'm at an 85% in the class and SHOULD finish off the semester with a B. Not bad! Not only am I passing this class the first time around (6/10 first time students drop or fail), but I should also be finishing off with a decent mark.

Let's see, I've registered for my summer class. I was stuck between choosing microbiology or physiology online. I kind of psyched myself out of physiology. I'd need to be at the top of my game to take that class during the summer, online at that! So I'm taking microbiology. I'll be on campus Monday-Thursday from 11am to 4pm. I figure it's not that bad. One of my lab partners who took micro last summer, said that it wasn't bad at all and it was actually easier than human anatomy.

So I'm not too worried about the class, but the cost off books will kill the pockets..as always.

4 more weeks left in the semester! The finish line is visible from the distance!

Friday night.

And it's a great opportunity to start studying for my lab practical!

I've decided to reflect a little bit on my social life- or lack thereof.

Now back in the dayyyyyy on a night like this, one of the homies would probably come swoop me up in their parents car which they sneaked out. We'd drive around with no particular destination, windows down and music full blast. When we'd feel the hunger pangs, we'd head to the nearest Mcdonald's and be dollar menu millionaires. Ah, just no care in the world back then.

Ok, fast forward to the present. On a night like tonight I'm sitting at my desk with a few books strewn about, some flash cards, and about 5 different shades of high lighters. Nso music on, I need complete silence. No singing, just the sound of my own voice reciting flash cards over and over. Worried? Yes, extremely.

Do I mind? No, not really. I don't have too many friends to begin with. Well, friends that I'd feel comfortable hanging around with. Actually, I don't feel comfortable hanging out with most people my age at all. Most people my age are working part time jobs, partying, and juggling school. I, on the other hand, juggle motherhood, my relationship, and school. That's all I have in common with the youngins- school. Sure I could drone on and on about my son (because I can), but I don't know who would actually want to sit through that.

So maybe I'm doing everybody a favor by not hanging out with them. I'm saving them from an evening of potty stories and my different toddler disciplinary methods. Or maybe I'm just making an excuse for not putting in the effor to actually establish a social life.

Hmmmm. That's deep. Well, back to the books!

I really wish I had a camera..

Last night, during a long anatomy lab on muscles, I was little put off. We have our second lab practical next week and will be tested on upper musculature. I was running back and forth from our cat and the cadaver. Why dissect the cat if the muscles look SO different?? With a lecture exam on Wednesday and then the lab prac the following week, I was definitely stressing.

After being one of the last few students who stayed behind to flip the cadaver over and study back muscles, I was beginning to wonder if my goals were realistic. Can I do this? Is this for me? I'm not even close to the nursing program and I'm already second guessing myself- not a good sign.

Bag over my shoulder and lab coat still dawned, I sighed and left lab for the night. It was about 8pm and it was still warm out. There was dark gray light cast throughout campus. I was expecting a frigid cold that would hurt down to the bones, but was enveloped by a subtle warmth instead. It felt absolutely wonderful!

As I was walking to my car I was stunned by the beauty that made up the skies that night. It was a mixture of beautiful pinks, purples, and grays all intertwined between thin sparse clouds. There was also a hint of orange from the remaining sun, giving the whole scene a bit of a glow.

For the first time ever, I did not mind one bit that I park so far from campus.

I was overcome with a feeling of reassurance. I was embraced by the warmth, and enlightened by the skies. God was telling to me hold on and that everything will be okay.

It put all my problems, school and family, and even my goals into perspective. I was given strength and a much needed refreshing on my outlook towards life. It's hard to explain, but I savored that feeling and will never forget it.

I know I question my faith sometimes, but it was so hard not to believe God that night. Who else could make such different textures and colors on such different spectrums...mesh so well? And I realized that I am capable. I just need to open my heart more to my faith and Him. He is after all, the reason behind my direction in life.

Who knew it would take a stressful lab and walk to my beat up truck to establish my faith again? He really does work in mysterious ways. <3

Happy Easter!

These are for you! Achilles and I colored eggs this morning! It was SO fun. I haven't played with egg dye for years! I've since substituted them with plastic eggs filled with candy. We still had the plastic eggs this year, but I figured since Achilles is a lot older than past Easters, it would be a fun activity, and it was!

Sure he didn't seem to understand how delicate the eggs were, but a few cracks just added some character to his eggs. lol

After coloring eggs and having a snack, we watched some toons while his dad did some cement work on the side. After the toons, we took a nap before egg hunting at the park. Good thing we did, we needed all the energy we could get. It was SO tiring! I'm SO pooped.

Achilles loved his basket and all his goodies. He had a blast playing with his new golf set even though he cheats and places the balls in the holes while we're not looking. He also LOVED his new kite! He was sooo amazed. lol

This was the first egg hunt Achilles actually understood. Last year he only 'found' (the eggs were across the lawn in plain sight. lol) a few eggs and got tired of it.

Here he is ready to look for eggs, tres cute! Oh, I actually just bought him those sandals earlier while I was at Walmart buying the eggs and dye. I'm glad I did, they're so convenient!

Well, my Spring Break is officially over. I did a total of about 45 minutes worth of studying, shame on me. Ugh, back to the world of human anatomy tomorrow.

Wish me luck.

Wow.

Remember that school dramz I mentioned I was going through?

Well, it just turns out that my high school diploma is NOT accredited. Isn't that something? I got it through a private school and it cost me 400 dollars. I payed 400 dollars for a piece of useless paper.

Anyways, it served as a complication since I am signing up for the RN program at the end of this fall. I'll need not only my college transcripts, but my high school transcripts as well. Well, this 'private school' I got my 'diploma' from closed down due to 'financial reasons'. Their email account is closed and their phone number was disconnected. Where does that leave me? SHIT OUT OF LUCK, that's where!

Eh, I teared up a little about it. I have worked SO hard to maintain my current GPA (3.8 *ahem*) and it killed me that technically it was useless without my high school diploma. I made a trip to the local adult school with some questions about taking the GED test and spoke with a guidance counselor. As soon as I told her where I got my high school diploma from, she immediately told me it wasn't accredited. Apparently a lot of people have done the same and just ended up at the adult school to do their GED.

I signed up, forked over $125 (ouch) and got home to review some study guides online. I also had a book I had purchased a year ago called 'Master the GED 2008' before I was scammed into that private school. I was a little concerned because the practice tests were tough! I struggled with some of it!

Well, I took the first portion of the GED test today, math and writing, and let me tell you, they were 10x easier than any of the practice tests I took! Now I know why the book guarantees higher scores. lol

So I'm taking the second portion tomorrow. I believe it'll be reading, social science, and science. It should be a piece of cake. The only part that kills is how slow the instructor moves. I swear, everything that man does has the lease time efficiency.

We had to watch this video on how to use a calculator and fill in the bubbles on our answer sheet properly. It kind of saddened me because it was kind of...degrading?

Wish me luck tomorrow. Can't believe this is what my Spring Break is ending with. :[

I'm going coocoo mama.

Coocoo mama = what Achilles calls the game 'Cooking Mama' for his DS.

Yes, my 2-year-old son has a Nintendo DS. Yes, I know this will probably kick me in the ass later.

He only has one game, some Go, Diego, Go! game, but he stumbled across my Cooking Mama and loves to make sandwiches and pizzas. lol

Anyways, I started hormonal birth control a week ago and I am seriously going coocoo mama. I'm moody, depressed, irritable, and just constantly picking fights and bickering with my boyfriend. In fact, we are in the middle of a huge fight right now. I'm done with the birth control though. I need to go back to the fun loving, only semi-crazy, Jenn. :D

It's really killing my Spring break though, on the real. I just want to stay cooped up in my room all day. I flaked on Michelle for coffee yesterday. :[

Booboo me.

OH, and not to mention there's some other crap I'm going through regarding some school stuff. It sucks.

My luck has officially gone down the pooper.