bargain alert.

horrible picture, i know! but look at that pigmentation! from what? a dollar store find!

it's another L.A. colors palette, but it's a 6 shade palette from their 'expressions' collection. these particular shades are called hypnotic, i think? but they're all shimmery colors. i need to take a better picture, but there's this really pretty smokey teal color, it's the middle shade of the bottom row.

i also have another one in more autumn shades, burnt reds, oranges and browns.

the pigmentation of these are off the chart for what i payed for them! blendability is okay, but i don't mind since you know..it was a dollar!

i'm going to invest in buying the rest of the collections. they really bring those 12 shadow palettes i bought before to shame. in fact, after coming across these i just tossed those other ones.

okay! go go go! meet you at the dollar store!

hibernation.

My sights are on the future and apparently, it is only in that mind set.

I'm distraught. There's no other way to put it.

Is this where I am suppose to be standing? Here? It doesn't feel right, not at all. I probably shouldn't even be standing. I should be flying. The 7-year-old me will be saddened by the sight and push me to take flight.

I can only hope that she cover her eyes while I come crashing down, my guts splattered about. I hope she understands that there is too much keeping me down, keeping me down on my feet.

Please don't lose that curiosity, that sparkle in your eyes. Life will always have its dramatic ups and downs, but just keep that sparkle. You're going to need it in the future, trust me.

Do not settle for less. Listen to your instincts, they're always right. Hold off on love until you've learned to love yourself. And when you do, baby girl, love yourself. Love every single bit. When you go looking for your special someone, make sure they love every bit too.

I feel like I cannot breathe. Each breath seems to be a rude awakening to what is reality, breaking every single ideal I might have. What is success? What are the keys to it? What is love? What makes it work?

The knot in my throat ensues. Warmth rushes up my face. My rib cage seems to shrink while my eyes start flowing. I have nothing. I have only what I've made of myself, fucking disgrace. I have only these damned tears. I have only the ghosts of what used to be, ghosts that I need to revive back into flesh and bone because I need that warmth again. The warmth that only blood rushing through arteries and veins can emanate.

I'm not quite sure of the meaning of life. I couldn't tell you and I also couldn't tell you a single person who could because of my lack of belief. Where is this God you put so much of your faith into? Why has he toyed with my life so fucking much? Please do not tell me to keep on believing. What do you think I have been doing for the past 19 years?

It's the pollution. Blame the pollution. Blame the pollutant. HE is to blame for my hitting rock bottom. HE is the reason I am the way I am. HE can go to hell. HE should realize that HE does not deserve what he has. HE should realize that I have left him a long time ago, even if it was just emotionally.

Everything is perfect from far away.

It's dark now. Damn do I wish I still had that sparkle.

i've midterms in 12 hours.

hopefully the bullshit at home doesn't follow me to school.

i've studied, but less than what i would have preferred. i'm feeling okay about my knowledge on the given study guides, but my sociology study guide was kind of broad. who knows if i studied the correct material? there will be only one way to find out and that will be tomorrow..during the actual test. haha.

as soon as this midterm is done and over with, i have to get cracking on my sociology term paper and that stupid group project. ugh. i hate having to rely on other people. i absolutely hate it.

wish me luck!

i am tired..

and annoyed, and angry, and sick feeling.

some people seriously seem severely challenged at times.

today was suppose to be a good day, but 'some people' beg to differ.

god, some people.....*shakes head*

i am so pissed off i want to throw my laptop across the room............................................

..but really, that wouldn't prove anything.

fuck you, some people, fuck you.

we have this plastic storage bin filled with random writing materials.

it's about the size of a shoe box and was just filled past the brim. the cover was no longer snapping on.

i decided to take it upon me to dump everything out and see what was worthy of being kept and what was trash. so there i was with a pad of paper, making sure each pen or marker worked.

a majority of them did.

i was also able to find capless pens and cap them with random stray caps i had also found.

oh, i found one of my NYX makeup brushes in the mess as well. :D

anyways, i was hoping to find a green colored pencil, but i found every other color except green. i have no clue what happened to the 24 pack i had during last semester for dr. rainbow's class. i have to finish a favor for my psych 101 teacher. she brought me these trees that she used with the kids she spoke with. she had leaves with feelings written on them and they would stick them on to the tree via velcro. problem with her trees though was the fact that they were naked, so they just looked like gnarled evil trees. since she was so impressed with the artsyness i put into my genealogy project, she asked if i could give her trees some life. this was a month ago...and i have no green colored pencil.

i guess i will go purchase a cheap-y pack.

alas, the once cluttered pencil box is now nicely organized and most importantly, the lid snaps closed. :]

so word problems are kicking my ass in math right now. i remember being so good at them until they went all mind tricky and wanted to me write out algebraic expressions with variables to solve them........disgusting.

midterms are coming up next monday. i cannot believe how quick that went by. eh, it is the summer. you know....i should probably be studying for sociology........nehhhhhh.

i'll start tomorrow.