interesting.

my blog will be a year old in a few weeks. i had no clue.

today.

today was busko's niece's first birthday. his brother and sister-in-law had a small family gathering at a place called vince's pasta and pizza. it had an arcade area so achilles had fun. he kept asking busko for tokens and it went a little something like this..

achilles- daddy, i want money!

busko- here. *hands achilles token*

me- might as well get used to it now.

hah. i really like this age. developmentally he's so funny! i love his mannerisms and the way he talks. i could skip out on the tantrums though. in your upper left corner, there is achilles on christmas morning, trying on a vest his Lola Menchie got him. that kid cracks me up.

i love him.

it's like a big fuck you.

you reach out to people, but they constantly turn you down.

and WTF. something just fell onto the floor and i am hella scared right now.

ANYWAYS, i'm back home from being in san jose for close to two weeks. san jose is fucking gay. there, i said it. the scene and vibe are different. maybe i'm getting old, but it's not for me. i hate that it doesn't feel like home anymore. i hate how everybody seems so fucking fake- so fucking the same.

fuck you and your skinny jeans, your brightly colored shirts, and side bangs. funny how this works for both the males and females, eh?

LANCASTER. is lame. that's true. there's not much here. BUT THAT'S WHY I LOVE IT! there is NO scene. everybody is on their own accord here. diversity is beautiful.

but i'm too old to be worrying about physical appearances. lord knows i've let myself go a little bit......

i'm really distraught. there's a lot going on. i've lost faith in religion and God a long time ago, but i'm needing something right now. i'm needing a little more. there is only so much i can do. oh God, please forgive me.

all i can do is keep my nose in my damn books, keep my pen tightly intertwined through my fingers and write......

i am so sick.

merry christmas, by the way.

it feels a little different.

So I'm here at my aun't pad, babysitting her munchkin. The weather in San Jose is the sucks. It's rainy and glum, but not cold. Others will disagree, but the cold of the Antelope Valley is so much more frigid. I'm no stranger to the cold!

I mean, it literally bites at your bare skin when you walk out your door in the AV.

Ah, the AV- I think I've really learned to love and appreciate the area. So much so that San Jose just doesn't feel like home anymore. I'm laughing to myself at the moment because all of my friends at school told me this would happen.

"The Antelope Valley is cursed. You say you want to leave, but it keeps you right here!"

Maybe that's the case after all. I've been cursed. I've been bewitched. The AV is my home now. <3

Hmm. I've been eating a lot since I've been in San Jose. That's one thing I'll continue coming here for, the food! My family..let's just say sometimes I realize why I moved so far!! They're just the kind of people you get along with better when you're 300 miles away.

Christmas is a few days away. This is the first year I didn't make a wish list. I'm pretty content with life, plus, Busko got my long awaited pea coat for my birthday last month. Hah! I saw the bag he has my Christmas gift in and it's a MAC shopping bag. He's getting a lot better at this gift giving thing!!!!

OH, so I finished the fall semester off with a 4.0!! Final grades were posted today on our transcripts and you know your girl is STILL on that President's List. Holla holla.

Ah, the children cry for Barney. Until next time....

the Bay calls.

and I'm answering.

tomorrow I am going home for Christmas. I cannot wait! I just finished wrapping the last few gifts. I'm really happy with what I got everybody this year. I actually put some thought into it. I'm really bad at gift giving.

....I'm the person whoe gives pajamas, lotions, or candle sets every year. hahaha.

it will be nice to see the little brohams again. it will be nice to see family period! I haven't seen them for 3 months! I couldn't with my hectic semester.

oh! so you know your girl finished the semester with a 4.0. holllllaaaaaa. chemistry and math killed me, but I raped them. my communications teacher even offered me a position as a speech tutor for next semester!

I have a good 3 weeks before intersession starts. then it's an intense 5 weeks of material that should really be taught in 16 weeks. after I kill myself with that, a weekend later- spring semester starts! oh baby, give it to me.

I'm only taking one class in the spring, bio 201. unfortunately it has a 60% fail rate. I'd really like to entirely focus on that class, but the tutoring sounds really fun! plus, a little extra money! I could use it to pay my phone bill! hahaha.

my fucking sidekick3, I love you, but beyonce said I need to upgrade.

you know what? my contract for this phone ended in april. I just continued to pay towards its service because it was convenient. there's only one other phone I want and that's the sidekick lx. too bad the thing costs like 400 bucks, even with my upgrade! I cannot justify that. 400 dollars is like....a lot of shoes. lol

anyways, I'm packed and ready to go! we're leaving at approximately 9am, but we run on mexican time around here so it will be about 10am or 1030.

this blog was so fucking pointless, but it's my blog so it's cool. it's TOTALLY cool.

night night ya'll.

what what in the butt?

It is the end of the semester, word! Too bad it's that effing end of semester cram. It's kind of killing me this time around, but it's cool. Monsters and determination make it happen!

Next Thursday will be my last day and I'm off for a good 3 weeks! I'm heading up to San Jose that very Sunday until the 26th. It'll be nice to be home for a bit. I HELLA miss it! Just like I miss saying 'hella' without people laughing at me or giving me a confused face. Hella lame, they're lucky I don't bust out my entire Bay lingo on them with the riding the yellow bus, going dumb, and all that. Hahaha!

I will NEVER grow accustomed to SO CAL. I am a NOR CAL girl and always will be. Bet your ass I'll be back when I'm done with school!

SOOOOO, I watched the Twilight movie during one of its many midnight showings on its release date. As an avid Twilight fan I can say that the movie was okay. The acting was mediocore, but it was bearable. Yes yes, movies are never as good as the book. I know that, but I was expecting something a little more. It was a low budget movie, that probably explains it. Haha.

OH, Busko and I totally stood in line at 8:30 p.m to find a line that was already wrapped around the building! Luckily I had a friend who had a friend who lined up at 4p.m. I was a total savage about it and called my friend to give me her friend's number and I totally played cutsies. HAH. She was pretty close to the entrance too. Twilighters, UNITE!

DAMN. I am exhausted, mentally and physically exhausted. I have 4 finals next week and a fucking paper due. I would've had a speech to do for my communications class, but I begged my instructor to let me go this past Thursday. I totally killed it. Nobody wanted to go after me. GRADE A INTIMIDATION, MY FRIENDS.

"How am I supposed to go after that?"

This blog is kind of turning into a ramble, but that's okay. I really need to ramble right now. It soothes and my mind is in a thousand different places at the moment.

THE HOLIDAYS! The holidays are upon us! I've still a few people to shop for as far as gifts go. I'm sooo bad at gift giving. I mean kids, they're okay. Put something shiny in front of their faces and their good to go (SO JK), but adults..man, I give them all pajamas. Hahaha. But c'mon, who doesn't want a sweet new pair of pj's for Christmas??

If they've been really good, they'll get a pair of matching fuzzy slippers too.

Achilles, he's pretty much good to go for Christmas from me and Busko. I totally went black Friday shopping for his gifts. I came out pretty good actually! I got a $45 Hot Wheel set for $20 and a $60 Thomas the Train set for $15!! Not to mention, I also had his Wonderpets fly boat and Elmo Live hidden in our room. Speaking of Elmo Live, that damn thing is so life like! It's like the real Elmo! You should youtube a video. I probably bought it for myself now that I think of it.

Live vicariously through your children. It's totally acceptable.

I am SO tired. I don't even know why I even bothered with capitalization in this blog?? Shit, it's too hard to stop now. I should just put everything in MLA format while I'm at it, eh?

one of the only good things of the av..

the gorgeous sunsets of the desert. they even beat out watching sunsets up top the sierra hills of my beloved san jose.

the clouds kind of weave and intertwine through azure shades of pinks and violets. coming closer to the actual sun is a dazzling orange gold. the desert beneath is close to dark, the shapes of joshua trees still visible. they're enjoying the view too.

it's in all this beauty that my discontent for the antelope valley diminishes and I'm over come with a sense of humility. maybe I also understand why the antelope valley keeps you in the antelope valley. you can rant on and on about how the area is lacking, but when that sun sets you figure...it's not so bad.

if I ever leave the av, I always assume I'd never look back. that's not so much the case anymore. I'll hold that perfect image of sunset deep within the confines of my heart. it keeps me warm. I'll look back and I will sigh. I will say.."the best sunsets I've ever seen were in the barren lands of the antelope valley." and for that moment I remember, the orange gold rays will peak over my heart and I will feel that same warmth and humility.

the antelope valley can be beautiful after all....

It's been about a month since my last blog. Achilles and school take up a majority of my time, but it's always nice to kind of hash everything out in a nice blog.

Anywho, can you believe I have given up on makeup? Well, not given up. I just don't wear it on a daily basis anymore. I went one week without one drop of anything on my face and you wouldn't believe how much my skin cleared up! So maybe I'm not suffering from adult acne like I assumed, I guess it was my makeup. I wash my brushes weekly so I'm guessing it was my face primers and foundations.

I'm looking into mineral foundations, problem is I've a greasy face so I don't know how long a mineral foundation would even last. Maybe I'll look into that elf starter kit. It's reasonably priced since I don't exactly want to shell out too much money until I'm absolutely sure I want to start using mineral makeup. We shall see.

My birthday is coming up in less than a month. Buahahaha.

So this semester I'm taking chemistry and it is kicking my ass. I haven't taken the midterm for my lecture class yet, that's in 2 weeks, but I've taken the midterm for my chem lab. Ughhh. I don't even want to know how I did on it. I guess I'll find out on Thursday.

Communications is going fairly well. Aced the midterm and term paper, but no surprise. I'm pretty efficient at these general ed classes. We have a group presentation due on Tuesday and I put together our group's powerpoint. I'm excited for the concluding slide, a picture of all of us doing some crazy happy pose side by side with 'A CAMPUS WITHOUT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS A BETTER ONE!' at the bottom. haha.

Oh, you're wondering about math. I am averaging at a high B in that class. I make stupid ass mistakes on the tests and my professor is also a high school teacher so she grades like a high school teacher, docks points for the stupidest shit. Oh well.

HALLOWEEN IS COMING UP! I'm dressing up this year!



So I'm probably not going to look that good, but cute right? lol. It's perfect since I'm a die hard Harry Potter fan. Now I just need to find the perfect set of stripper heels.

Achilles is going to be a dragon. It's so cute, wings and all. Busko is still not sure if he's dressing up. I wish he'd be Harry Potter, but apparently he's too cool. Asshole.

Anyways, laundry calls!

**picture from spirithalloween.com**

E.L.F haul came.

that freaking took forevs! well, the whole initial processing part in the actual warehouse didn't take long, it was the damn delivery! fedex is on my shit list at the moment.

anywho, i didn't actually purchase any actual makeup items. i did however purchase a few tools and nail polishes.

-total face brush
-concealer brush
-eyeshadow brush
-defining eyeshadow brush
-blending eye brush
-eyelash curlers
-dramatic lash kit
-travel mirror compact
-slant tweezers
-nail polishes in light red, dark red, black, plum, burgundy, and clear.

THE BRUSHES

total face brush
what is up with the gasoline/paint thinner smell?? i've washed the damn thing twice and it still has the funk. the hairs are a weird shade of red that did bleed during washes. it's soft across the palm of my hand, but a bit prickly when used on the face. full, but not dense. have no immediate plans on using it, but maybe just for applying blush on the apples of my cheeks.

concealer brush
i normally use my ring finger when dabbing and blending out concealer on my undereyes. this brush is small, which i guess is ideal for small areas that need to be..well..concealed, but it takes too much damn time to use on a large area like my undereyes, but hey, it does the job.

eyeshadow brush
lah-love this brush! perfect for packing on color to your lids! big enough to get the job done quickly, but small enough to really pay attention to detail. MUST HAVE.

defining eyeshadow brush and blending eye brush
angled. soft bristles. works well to accentuate the outer v's of your lids. blending brush is soft too. short bristles and dense. perfect for blending. a little prickly, but not too bad. definitely gets the job done.

FOR THE LASHES AND MISC.
tweezers.
suck ass, but they are aesthetically pleasing to the eye. they're silver and sleek, but they still suck ass.

dramatic eyelash kit
they're not as dramatic as i'd hope. they look like another brand's version of natural eyelashes, but they still do add that extra bit of vavavoom to the eyes. can't complain.

mirror
it's a mirror. it does what it has to do with one side having a regular reflection and the other side magnified. a little difficult to open at times, but all in all, it's okay.

NAIL POLISHES
these are great! THEY APPLY SO EVENLY! i don't have the best hand when applying nail polishes. they usually turn out to be streaky and uneven, but i didn't have that problem with these polishes! the lastability is amazing too since my hands are constantly in water. these are a great buy and i'm looking into getting the rest of the shades!


all in all, i'm happy with this haul. everything i bought was a dollar a peice and with the coupon code CAROLINA, i was able to receive 50% off on purchases up to 15 bucks.

www.eyeslipsface.com

check them out. everything is pretty much a dollar sans their mineral makeup, but even that stuff is dirt cheap! for prices like those, you have nothing to lose!!

not too shabby.

my coastal scents brushes have been played with and I'm ready to state my opinions on them.

I lah lah love the fiber optic brush! I've been using it to stipple my foundation and I've been getting great results from it. it definitely delivers that air brush-esque look. not only that, but it's going to save me a pretty penny! I only need to use half the foundation I normally use since a little goes a long way with this brush.

I've washed it twice since receivng it. it did bleed, but nothing too surprising. it sheds. it does shed. but to its defense, it is noted on the coastal scents website that it will indeed shed. I noticed after the second wash, shedding wasn't so much a problem. it's kind of a hassle to pick bristles off of your face that are stuck on to your foundation. I guess it wouldn't be a problem for somebody who used the brush for any kind of powder application though.

my eyeshadow brushes are nice. they're really soft on my lid. both are crease brushes. one is in more of a pony tail style, while the other is more tapered and dense. the pony tail brush isn't so dense so it served perfect for blending! the tapered brush worked perfectly to pack color into my crease as well and since it was tapered I was able to hold the brush to the side and accentuate the outer v's of my eyes.

I am still waiting on my cherry culture package. I actually emailed them asking why the initial processing was taking so long. they told me it was the volume of orders they had and sent me a gift card code covering shipping costs for my next order. how awesome is that??

oh, while waiting around I came across www.eyeslipsface.com. yes, elf cosmetics. everything being a dollar minus their mineral makeup, but even that stuff is dirt cheap! I didn't pick up any actual makeup, but did order a few brushes, tools, and nail polishes. I don't have any high expectations and apparently elf is notorious for lagging on shipping.

we'll just have to wait and see.

oh! I found a clear glass vase at walmart for 2 bucks! I filled it with decorative polished stones, also found at walmart, and am currently using it to hold my makeup brushes. it's really cute, but I'm sure by tomorrow there will be rocks missing, dirty brushes, and finger prints all over the vase. thanks, son.

I didn't know that anybody had to be a certain somebody to be into politics?

as far as I am concerned, if you live in the country then you should definitely be aware of politics and current issues. why? well, because ultimately they affect you.

it will be hard to get past propaganda and the like, but as soon as you are able to see past that, religion, science, and everything else meant to get a reaction and just see what you truly believe in, then welcome to the club.

bash. bash. bash. you'll come across it, for sure. it's important to keep your composure and keep faith (not the religous kind, LOL) in your beliefs. that's the beauty of this country- to have the right to your own opinions.

so whether or not your a politics buff, it doesn't matter. just by being a little bit more aware adds more of a civic dutiful sense to you as a person and citizen.

brushies.

my coastal scents brushes came today! that was some quick shipping! i mean, i made my order on sunday, paid for the cheapest shipping, and it got here today!

the fiber optic brush, it's softer and not as stiff as i assumed. i don't know how hell it will hold up to stippling. it's really soft though! i think it might stand better with buffing. i had washed it earlier so it's drying right now. let's see how foundation application works with it.

boo boo. i'll probably have to spring 40 bucks on the mac 187 brush for my stippling needs it seems.

the 2 eyeshadow brushes feel promising, nice and soft. i'm going to see how those work out tomorrow too.

cherry culture lags. my order is still processing! ughhh. i made the order on sunday, it's wednesday now and they still haven't sent it out of the warehouse! boooooooooo! i'm really looking foward to the nude lipstick shades i got!!

anyways, wooooot! tomorrow is my last day of classes and then my first week of fall semester is over with. holla holla! too bad tomorrow is going to be a long dayyyyyy. sigh.

for $8.82 at your local wal*mart, you can be the proud of owner of the cd, michael jackson number ones. it's a compilation of some of his number one hits. as i write this blog i am currently rocking out to billie jean.

okay okay, sooooo! i figure i should make this particular blog worth while. it's the first week of school so my schedule is still kind of easy peasy to work with. i've still free time! i'm sure first thing next week that will soon change. hah! so i gotta take advantage of the time i currently have.....and i'm blogging while jamming to MJ......NOW THAT'S A PARTY!

achilles had a haircut today. the kid despises haircuts so the whole time daddy was buzzing away, i was playing clips of yo gabba gabba on youtube for him with my laptop. it was the lolz.

beat it....no one wants to beat it....

there's this group of white girls, 3 of them, in my math class. they're sisters and during class they bicker like sisters. it's a little weird because they start bickering about issues that really shouldn't be talked about in a math class, but at home....behind closed doors...then again, most families are definitely more open than mine is.

AND OH MAN, my skin is freaking out again! it was just clearing up during the vacation! what's up with that?? i haven't even started stressing yet! uncool epiderm, uncool.

i let busko borrow my pencil. i hope he doesn't use the eraser. that would absolutely peeve me out.

hmmm. i think i might change my default picture. it's old. well, not that old, but still. it's nice to stay updated....nahwuttamean?

...thriller......

schoolio.

well, it's that time again.

and it sucks. that is all. it sucks.

too bad I can't just snap my fingers and have a masters. if only....

yawn. I'm tired.

hauling.

i felt like web shopping.

so far i have bought 3 makeup brushes from coastal scents and 3 NYX round lipsticks from cherry culture.

i'm really excited about the brushes, 2 of which are supposed to be great MAC eyeshadow brush dupes. the other is a fiber optic brush. i'm wanting to stipple my foundation and achieve that airbrushed effect.

as for the lippies, i found a really pretty nude color. i've been really digging the smokey eye with nude lip look. the other 2 are pretty pale pinks.

last saturday before fall semester. ughhh.

elemenopeee.

it's late and i can't shake off this bout of insomnia.

it's the summer that induces it, always. it's the long lazy days and the memories that have embedded themselves in the inner most portions of my brain. memories of days slept in and nights for fun. memories of pregnancy and pregnancy related insomnia. memories, just memories.

sigh. i feel stretched thin. there's just so much to do and so much to worry about. i hate having to-do lists, or worse, worrying about somebody else completing tasks they need to do. busko, for instance, is infamous for holding things off until the last minute or it's too late. i have taken it upon myself to put together exactly what he needs to do and rate their importance. i've wrote all tasks on paper, underlined things to be done ASAP, and tacked it to the wall. he realizes i mean business and has been good with checking things off his list. he did ask me why i didn't make one for myself and i really didn't have an answer. i still don't.

achilles seems to have little man syndrome. it's safe to say....he's not a baby anymore. how depressing, yet remarkable. i have been a mother for 2 years now and i hope the fact that i gave him life will be thanks enough for making me one. <3

...i've all of a sudden grew a liking for cardigans. there's something about clean cut button down cardigans over funky shirts that i'm really feeling. in the past week i've accumulated three. they're cute and i'm excited to don them in the fall.

oh, i can feel fatigue. writing always helps.

it was a little secret.

i didn't tell many people that i went to san jose this past week.

why?

well usually when i do peeps want to make plans, but i end up flaking on all of them because the family is always wanting to do something, bombarding my vacation with plans. i think next time i go i should make plans with the peeps AND THEN go.

anyways, i'm back now. i am also officially mobile! my aunt and her hubby gave me their old truck, a 1995 toyota t100. it's beautiful, it's blue book value being close to $7000. i'm free to sell it and keep the money to invest in a more gas friendly car, but i don't like the idea of selling a gift. it was nice the way they gave it to me and busko. they were treating us out to dinner at our favorite vietnamese resteraunt, when they kind of offered it. i'm pretty sure it was just an on the spot kind of deal. i'm very grateful though, like very.

ummm. so i passed math with a 95% and aced my sociology class. yee yee. i'm on a rolll baby, yeahhhh. fall semester starts on the 25th, another 3 months. here we go. i've got a 24 pack case of rockstars. i should be good. HAH.

it's late. i need to figure out how exactly my schedule is going to work for the fall. yeah, i forgot. i need to get my stupid bag ready too. i think i'm ready to retire the harajuku lovers bag already. i'm really wanting a backpack, but i hate putting it on and taking it off. i just can't have it hang off of one shoulder, it needs to be by both straps. with a messenger or tote, i just swing it over my shoulder. sure it starts to hurt in a few hours, but they're just more aesthetically pleasing, no?

i bought the cutest suit vest at charlotte russe while in sj. i call it my mr. roger's vest, and finally, finally! i've added a pair of black skinny jeans to my massive collection of denim. hail charlotte russe.

i'm still in need of a cell phone. i disconnected my tmobile plan. i couldn't justify the $80 a month anymore for that crap of a phone sidekick. i'm looking into a basic phone with a basic plan with at&t. i will still acquire unlimited texting though. that is a necessary since i scarcely talk on the phone in the first place.

this blog is kind of getting long. eh, that's fine. my blog has been lacking these last few posts. here's something more substantial, blog. i had you in mind. i'm so damn thoughtful.

last day of my summer term!

after my sociology final today i'm off for 2 weeks before the fall semester starts!

wooooot.

i will be leaving to san jose tomorrow or thursday for a week. you know me, always needing a vacation back home here and there.

OH, i got an A- on my term paper for my sociology class. HOW AWESOME IS THAT?? especially since i knew i didn't put my all into that paper. oh how lucky i am..lucky lucky.

and did i mention i was excused from my math final? all because i managed to keep my cumulative percentage at 96%. tehehehehe.

anywho, i should probably be asleep, but i can't find sleep at the moment. i'm feeling too accomplished. i managed to take 2 classes during the fast paced summer term. go meeeee!

i'm going to browse yahoo answers now. night night, ya'll.

my son is almost 2.

he will officially be 2-years-old as of sunday, the third.

i've got me a big boy in my hands!

we're throwing him a cowboy themed barbecue this saturday. it'll be a lot more fun to throw him birthday parties when he can actually be excited for them. so far i don't think he has the slightest clue. haha.

it's going to be so cute. i've cowboy hats and bandannas for the children and all these cute cowboy decorations. we even managed to custom design the goody bags!

some of my family is coming down today to celebrate with us. i'm pretty excited to show them what living in the desert land is all about. hahaha.

i've still quite the to do list to be honest. ohhh, and i have finals next week!

OH, but good news! i was excused from my math final! woot woot. if you were able to maintain at least a 90% cumulative grade, our teacher excused you from the final. i had a 96%. tehehehe. gooo me.

too bad sociology didn't work that way, but that's fine. i've my study guide all nicely put together and ready to go. i'm a little frazzled by our term paper due next week as well. ohh yess, and our professor was kind enough to let us do the essay portion of the final at home. ehhh, that just leaves more writing to stress out about. boooo.

anyways, wish me luck! after next wednesday i'm off the enjoy what remains of my summer break, 2 weeks! one of those weeks will defintely be spent in san jose. count on it!

bargain alert.

horrible picture, i know! but look at that pigmentation! from what? a dollar store find!

it's another L.A. colors palette, but it's a 6 shade palette from their 'expressions' collection. these particular shades are called hypnotic, i think? but they're all shimmery colors. i need to take a better picture, but there's this really pretty smokey teal color, it's the middle shade of the bottom row.

i also have another one in more autumn shades, burnt reds, oranges and browns.

the pigmentation of these are off the chart for what i payed for them! blendability is okay, but i don't mind since you know..it was a dollar!

i'm going to invest in buying the rest of the collections. they really bring those 12 shadow palettes i bought before to shame. in fact, after coming across these i just tossed those other ones.

okay! go go go! meet you at the dollar store!

hibernation.

My sights are on the future and apparently, it is only in that mind set.

I'm distraught. There's no other way to put it.

Is this where I am suppose to be standing? Here? It doesn't feel right, not at all. I probably shouldn't even be standing. I should be flying. The 7-year-old me will be saddened by the sight and push me to take flight.

I can only hope that she cover her eyes while I come crashing down, my guts splattered about. I hope she understands that there is too much keeping me down, keeping me down on my feet.

Please don't lose that curiosity, that sparkle in your eyes. Life will always have its dramatic ups and downs, but just keep that sparkle. You're going to need it in the future, trust me.

Do not settle for less. Listen to your instincts, they're always right. Hold off on love until you've learned to love yourself. And when you do, baby girl, love yourself. Love every single bit. When you go looking for your special someone, make sure they love every bit too.

I feel like I cannot breathe. Each breath seems to be a rude awakening to what is reality, breaking every single ideal I might have. What is success? What are the keys to it? What is love? What makes it work?

The knot in my throat ensues. Warmth rushes up my face. My rib cage seems to shrink while my eyes start flowing. I have nothing. I have only what I've made of myself, fucking disgrace. I have only these damned tears. I have only the ghosts of what used to be, ghosts that I need to revive back into flesh and bone because I need that warmth again. The warmth that only blood rushing through arteries and veins can emanate.

I'm not quite sure of the meaning of life. I couldn't tell you and I also couldn't tell you a single person who could because of my lack of belief. Where is this God you put so much of your faith into? Why has he toyed with my life so fucking much? Please do not tell me to keep on believing. What do you think I have been doing for the past 19 years?

It's the pollution. Blame the pollution. Blame the pollutant. HE is to blame for my hitting rock bottom. HE is the reason I am the way I am. HE can go to hell. HE should realize that HE does not deserve what he has. HE should realize that I have left him a long time ago, even if it was just emotionally.

Everything is perfect from far away.

It's dark now. Damn do I wish I still had that sparkle.

i've midterms in 12 hours.

hopefully the bullshit at home doesn't follow me to school.

i've studied, but less than what i would have preferred. i'm feeling okay about my knowledge on the given study guides, but my sociology study guide was kind of broad. who knows if i studied the correct material? there will be only one way to find out and that will be tomorrow..during the actual test. haha.

as soon as this midterm is done and over with, i have to get cracking on my sociology term paper and that stupid group project. ugh. i hate having to rely on other people. i absolutely hate it.

wish me luck!

i am tired..

and annoyed, and angry, and sick feeling.

some people seriously seem severely challenged at times.

today was suppose to be a good day, but 'some people' beg to differ.

god, some people.....*shakes head*

i am so pissed off i want to throw my laptop across the room............................................

..but really, that wouldn't prove anything.

fuck you, some people, fuck you.

we have this plastic storage bin filled with random writing materials.

it's about the size of a shoe box and was just filled past the brim. the cover was no longer snapping on.

i decided to take it upon me to dump everything out and see what was worthy of being kept and what was trash. so there i was with a pad of paper, making sure each pen or marker worked.

a majority of them did.

i was also able to find capless pens and cap them with random stray caps i had also found.

oh, i found one of my NYX makeup brushes in the mess as well. :D

anyways, i was hoping to find a green colored pencil, but i found every other color except green. i have no clue what happened to the 24 pack i had during last semester for dr. rainbow's class. i have to finish a favor for my psych 101 teacher. she brought me these trees that she used with the kids she spoke with. she had leaves with feelings written on them and they would stick them on to the tree via velcro. problem with her trees though was the fact that they were naked, so they just looked like gnarled evil trees. since she was so impressed with the artsyness i put into my genealogy project, she asked if i could give her trees some life. this was a month ago...and i have no green colored pencil.

i guess i will go purchase a cheap-y pack.

alas, the once cluttered pencil box is now nicely organized and most importantly, the lid snaps closed. :]

so word problems are kicking my ass in math right now. i remember being so good at them until they went all mind tricky and wanted to me write out algebraic expressions with variables to solve them........disgusting.

midterms are coming up next monday. i cannot believe how quick that went by. eh, it is the summer. you know....i should probably be studying for sociology........nehhhhhh.

i'll start tomorrow.

just watched the new rambo flick.

and well, rambo would solve all of the world's problems if we just gave him the chance.

i also watched 10,000 b.c. which was...errrrr..okay? it definitely reminded me a lot of the movie 300 minus the epic-ness. hahaha.

anywho, i managed to get around to playing around more with those l.a. color palettes. i did some swatches using just a white kohl pencil base and got some pretty good results actually!



yes yes, the picture sucks, but it was the best i could do at this hour. the best results came from the traditional palette, i swatched 2 of the shades on the far left. the 4 middle ones are from the urban palette, and the last 2 are from the chic palette. from left to right, a dark plum brown, burnt orange, yellow, pinkish shade, light blue, lavender, cream, and another blue.

here are the actual palettes.

upper left is chic, upper right is urban, and the bottom one is traditional. fun fun fun to mess around with for the cost of a dollar each.

i'm going to try an actual look with these shadows maybe tomorrow or monday when i've classes, but i will make sure to take a picture.

okay, it is 2am. why am i not asleep? this is not good. i cannot get use to this. damn you summer! it seriously does something to me. makes me lazy and come down with a case of insomnia. wthhhhhh?? it's not like i party hardy or anything. i'm just up..myspacing..blogging..or watching movies on PPV. hahaha. what a life, eh?

a dollar store haul!

so i came around to finally sucking it up and purchasing cosmetics from the dollar store. yay, go me!

i actually came across some cute things!

- 3 eyeshadow palettes from L.A. Colors in urban, chic, and traditional.
- Maybeline lip gloss in melon ball.
- L.A. Color lip gloss in frosted pink.

L.A color 12 eyeshadow palettes

so the palettes, each one has 12 different shades and comes with a dual ended sponge tip applicator. urban has greens, blues, oranges, a cream, and yellow. chic is a collection of more purples and shimmery browns and creams. traditonal, my favorite, is a whole palette of neutral brown tones.

what i like: everything you need is there in the palette. from a crease color to a highlight, it's there in the palette. not to mention, it only cost a DOLLAR.

what i dislike: it has this funky fragrance comparable to baby powder. i could even smell it while i was wearing the shadows. lol

overall: the color payoff is okay to say the least. it's not very pigmented at all, very sheer in fact, but it makes for nice neutral everyday looks. to get the best color pay off i recommend using a mixing medium first. it gives you a bit more intensity. take heed that my opinion could change since i've only played with these shadows without a base, just shadow straight onto my lid.

maybeline shiny-licious

this one really caught my eye because i loved the color! it's called melon ball and it's pretty shimmery peachy pink color.

what i like: the packaging is convenient. it's just in a regular squeeze tube, but i found the applicator portion to be easy to maneuver. it's a slanted applicator, exactly like the ones in the long tube lip glosses, but instead on a squeeze tube! there's a hole on the applicator portion just like any other squeeze tube and you have at it. application is smooth, a little goes a long way and it doesn't have too much of an obnoxious shine nor is its flavor too overwhelming.

what i dislike: i have yet to find a reason to dislike it.

L.A colors glossy lips

i got this in frosted pink. it's a cute opaque bubble gum pink with a tinge of shimmer also in a squeeze tube.

what i like: it also has that nifty applicator tip like the maybeline gloss. the color is gorgeous! it comes on as a kind of lustrous nude pink without too much of a gaudy glossiness. it has a fruity flavor which doesn't bother too much and the consistency is nice and thick moisturizing lips as well.

what i dislike: you've really got to work the product while applying. otherwise it will apply unevenly and streaky. it takes a lot of product to get some show and that serves as a problem since i've got big lips.

i also found a tub of got 2 be brand volumizing stuff, some bobby pins (i always lose them), and a buffing and polishing emery board, and a neato mini storage bin. it's has a white frame and is covered in a green vinyl plastic, very pleasing to the eye. i use it for, not surprising, more makeup storage. all in all, good haul.

death.

when you feel like you're looking in from the outside, you're staring up at the infinite skies. the velvety darkness drapes and almost caresses around each star. beg for the stars to tell you a secret because they will. in return they will only ask you not to share what depths they are to let you explore.

they'll whisper their deepest secrets to you ever so softly. your ears will perk up at the sound of heaven. and you'll see the velvet drapes of sky hold the stars back, afraid they will say too much. but you've gained their trust, sitting outside every night wishing on one star after the other. you've told them your most secret desires and they in turn do the same. they will tell you the secrets of life, of your life.

the softness of their words, almost like breaths, will whisk you off your feet. you'll float along side with them, the velvet cascading around you. in them the will grant every single want, need, wish you might have made.

and then..and then.....peace.

sun burnt..

and it's making my head hurt.

had a blast at the beach yesterday. it was achilles' first time and he loved playing in the sand, inching closer and closer to the water as his nerves grew bolder.

had dinner at house of genji later that day. it was nice, the mustard sauce was more tastier than usual.

now i'm just relaxing. the weather is just so perfect here in san jose. might take the boys out for pictures today, then heading on to my sister's mother-in-law's home for her birthday.

it's so quiet and peaceful here. so calming. makes me want to nap.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

waiting impatiently..

I'm leaving to san jose in less than an hour.

it will be the perfect vacation. I'll be out of desert land for a little more than a week. everybody needs a vacation from desert land once in a while.

busko gets off at 530, after which he needs to buy achilles a pair of sandals for the beach, and then fill up with gas.

after, he will pick up me and the sonsie and we will be off.

like I mentioned, we are going to the beach. we're going tomorrow. it'll be achilles' first time to sink his little toes in beach sand. I hope he doesn't freak out. busko already bought him his toys for the sand, but somehow I think busko bought them for himself. he's been talking about making a sand castle....lol

did I mention I got braces? well I did. and they suck.

I've just got some of my upper brackets on and spacers inbetween some of my molars, no wire yet. the spacers are killing me. they sometimes make it difficult to eat. apparently the spacer pain is nothing compared to tightening of the wire pain.

uggghhhhh.

it's almost timeeeee. eeeeeep!

i got my grillllllll.

got the whole top diamond and the bottom rose gold.

no, not really. i just got some spacers and my top brackets for my braces. i look like a damn fool right now, let me tell you.

but you know me, optimistic as hell so it doesn't bother me, but the way my braces brush against my inner lip does kind of irk. eh, i'm sure it's something i could get use to.

anywhoooooo, today was my first official day of vacation! i had my ortho appointment this morning which lasted hella hours, but after that i came home and did what anybody in their right mind should during vacation, CHILLLAAXXXX. i guess it proves to be difficult when you've got a toddler though. hah.

i am currently waiting on my grade for english. i'll have to email my teacher on monday and until then i will keep the rest of my grades a secret. yes, i know them.

it's really nice going to bed and not worrying about homework!

i'm going to be leaving to san jose in a few days. i'll be up for a week. one, for my older sister's 22nd birthday, two, for my brother's middle school graduation, and lastly, just to be with the fam. yadadamean?

it'll just be and achilles though since busko will have to come back down for work. it's cool. when summer school starts i will only be going to class on mondays and wednesdays for 8 hours. he has the rest of the days of the week to be with me and my glorious self.

OH, there was this freaking promotion going on at my ortho's office that if you started your braces today you get to pick a FIFTY dollar gift card to one of the many retail stores they had listed. how freaking sweet is that?? i picked target. :D

and OH again, the little goody set they gave me to take care of my braces..it came with a travel toothbrush. i guess i should carry it around in my purse, huh? that way after meals i could brush? because i know it disgusts the hell out of me when i'm talking to somebody with braces and they've got food stuck in them.

i just think..."i wonder how long that's been there?"....."i bet it smells..."..."can he/she taste it?"....."i wonder what it is? a fry? a piece of candy?"

but you know, i'm weird like that.

it is time..

for finals.

kickstarts tomorrow with biology.
continues with english and math on wednesday and psychology on friday.

then...then it is my summer vacation!! that is until june 16th when my summer classes start, but at least that is only on mondays and wednesdays. whoooooo!

planning on going to san jose for a week for my older sister's bday and little broham's 8th grade graduation. we'll see how that works out.

alrighty, achilles is asleep and it's only 10. I have time to write an essay. lol

stressed.

man, there's too much going on right now.

i've been swamped, literally swamped with homework. i've come to drinking energy drinks which work, but make my head hurt.

my family in san jose is going through a rough spot. i'm stressed out beyond belief about that, like chunks of hair falling out kind of stress.

8 more days until the semester is over, but i've got finals out the a hole.

and then, thank god, 2 weeks of vacation before i start summer school.

america's economy is going to hell and we've all become victims of that, some more so than others and it's a sad, sad, shitty thing.

and the lengths people will go through to support themselves..scamming people who are struggling every bit as much as they are.

is this what it has come to?

this is a case of the worst pies of london and it distraughts me. i wish i could help. i really wish i could.

my actual mother's day and random rambles.

i did laundry.

i went to walmart.

i ate some mexican food.

now i'm having some mean toothache pain. i have yet to get that certain molar removed since i ended up rescheduling what should've been my freedom from this cursed tooth. sigh.

i have class at 8am tomorrow, but for some reason i am up. i will regret this in a few hours when i need to roll myself out of bed. hah.

anyways, achilles was a real jerk today. i kept telling him it was mother's day and he should be extra sugary sweet with me. he slapped me and gave me a booger because it disgusted him, so i guess that meant it was okay to give to mama?

at least i have this beautiful work of art he made on poster board with random markers and colored pencils. so sweet.

my biology poster is almost done! yessss. i got a huge chunk done tonight including some coloring. i give it another hour and a half or less and it will be complete. yessss. as far as the midterm coming up, i've memorized about 70% of what i need to know to pass. i should work on that other 30......

mothereffer. i have a math exam on wednesday. they just never stop! aaaack.

i wish busko would come upstairs already. doesn't he know i need to be held when i go to sleep? mannnnn!

it was hella hott.

i think my shirt might reek of perspiration, not body odor, just perspiration.

hum. while on the subject of b.o, i'd like to point out that i've never had a problem with it. i can actually go without deodorant and you'd only be able to get any odor from my pits if you were to be up close and personal with them. and c'mon, how many people have their noses in my pits?

i consider it some kind of blessed. lol

i still do wear deodorant though. i like for my armpits to feel dry and fragrant. haha.

okay, enough about my armpits.

my skin is clearing up! yayyyy. my face isn't THAT bumpy anymore. i've still go some stubborn blackheads, but eh, whatevs. oh, i've also got some of those dark pigmented spots you get when a pimple or blemish starts to heal, but again, WHATEVS. i'm just happy that my face isn't so much UGH anymore. holla.

busko took me out for lunch today. :] i got to choose and i chose thai! it was uber yummy and achilles ate like i've never seen him eat before. after lunch i went to ross. man, i freaking love ross. perhaps it's the babymama side of me, but i just love the low prices! i found the cutest hello kitty shirt for, get this, 8 dollars! i'm gonna wear it monday with my new gladiator style slippers from old navy. :D OH, i also found the CUTEST dress! it's a spring/summer dress, brown and pink, knee length, empire waist line, and tie up straps. i'm going to wear it to my goddaughter's baptism next weekend in san jose. i'm trying to figure out what i should do with my hair. i was thinking full curls, or maybe my suttle amy winehouse look..minus the crack of course. OR MAYBE, i could combine both looks. oh...the possibilities.

i'm a bit tired, but i told busko i'd be up when he got off of work at 1230. not much longer, i should be able to hang. i can't make promises though. i'm narcoleptic.

no..no i'm not. i just played a sick joke on you.

SO, my poster project. i think i'm on schedule on how much should be completed by now. it's due on tuesday so i figure i'll get the rest of the drawing and text done tomorrow, some coloring, and finish coloring on monday.

since my psychology crap isn't due for another 3 weeks, my priority is going to my english research paper. as soon as i'm done with this bio crap i'll get to working on that paper. i'm going to shoot to getting it done by next weekend. that way it'll be out of my way. i probably should simultaneously work on my psych genogram poster and get that done so all i have to worry about is the papers that need to be written.

let me let you in on something, the secret to any successful student is the student who can manage his or her time well. some of that paired up with old fashioned passion and determination, it's a winning combination.

people think i'm smart. i'm no more smarten that you, i just have more self discipline.

and research shows that people who are good at their jobs (i.e doctors..nurses) aren't particularly better at skills needed for the career choice, rather they have more determination and passion towards what they do.

ARRRRG.

my biology poster is seriously shot to hell.

it never had a chance.

i've messed up on it so many freaking times! infact, i'm purchasing whiteout tomorrow. lol. my poster is going to be one patchy son of a gun.

good god. i wish you could see at what lengths my memorization will be tested next week for biology. i have to memorize terms, color codes, and the sectional drawings of different phylums, plus the random notes on the sides dr. rainbow wrote.

did i mention that the poster is due the same day we take the midterm? JKJKDFAUIENFACV!

ahh, but the optimistic side of me will say atleast it's hitting two birds with one stone.

alas, i am not the most optomistic person right now. i have 7 2 page papers, another poster project of my family tree, and a lengthy essay of each person in my tree. mind you, that is just for psychology. i also have the fore mentioned biology poster to do and i must must study for the midterm. and for english i've got some gay 5 page research paper.

accckkkkkk. all this work just slapped me across the face now, at the end of the semester! what a sick game my instructors played!!

this sunday is mothers day. i will spend it doing laundry and homeworkssss. distraught.

i've really got to stick to my guns and get some work done tomorrow. seriously.

wish me some form of luck. i will need it.

needing a reason to procrastinate.

okay, i know i've complained in the past about being drowned in assignments, but i really mean it this time.

the homework load of the past is nothing compared to the caliber of assignments set before me.

i cannot enjoy myself in anything i do. it's always at the back of my mind. it creeps and it crawls and it makes my heart feel heavy. it's not a nice a feeling.

this fucking molar. i'm getting it pulled out on monday. fuck the root canal and fuck the gum surgery. i'm not about to co-pay $800 for something that might not even work. i'd rather get it pulled out and pay like $1000 for a tooth implant. yeah, tooth implants exist. lol.

anyways, i've got a rather odd assignment to get started on. i'm pretty sure the main point of it is to learn how to cite sources throughout research papers.

boo to homework.

it's almost the end of the semester. 27 more days and i've completed my first semester of college. woopie. then i'll have a little more than 2 weeks off to enjoy before dun dun dun..summer school. chyea, i'm going to take 2 classes during the summer. i'm part of priority registration, but i've got like 3rd dibs on classes. first priority gets to register this monday, the 5th! i have to wait until the 11th, and then open registration starts the 22nd. hopefully my classes don't get filled up because that would suck. i've already picked my classes so i'd only be in school twice a week from about 8am to 5pm. not bad. not bad at all.

i'm planning on taking math 070 (yes, your girl is in remedial math) and philosphy 105. i'm pretty sure philosphy will be an easy one to get into but as for the math i'm not too sure. everybody is wanting to take 070 during the summer so the could be caught up in 102 come time fall.

i can only hope, but if worse comes to worse, i'll take the online class my current math teacher is offering during the summer. though i'd prefer to have an actual class with an instructor.....eh, beggers can't be choosers.

okay okay..i'm going to write my stupid Juno paper. mmhm, that juno..with the pregnant teenager and jogging kid in gold shorts.

some time off of homework.

holy cow it is HOT. omg. it's not even summer yet and i'm here in my damn bra and panties sweating up a storm.

GLOBAL WARMING IS BAKING ME UP!!

anyone who knows me know that heat gets me crabby. i'll feel awfully bad for the people (busko) who will have to put up with my heat induced mood swings.

not only that, but when it's hot i get sleepy for some reason. like i missed my math class earlier and took a 3 hour nap instead. how weird is that?

ughhhh. summer is going to be realllll hot this year and ACK, i live in the desert land that is the av! it's okay. i'll burrow with the rabbits in the cool undergrounds of the hot dry sand and dirt.

oh god, those fucking toads are going to come out soon. what the hell is up with those? they're like stray cats in an alley way, but toads! you seriously will have like 10 of them on your walk way during the summer time and let me tell you, they are scary when you're not expecting them

wth are toads doing in the desert? crazy ass toads. go back to your swamps.

fresh prince of belair reruns..

keep me entertained when there is nothing else to watch.

i am so tired. have i been whining about that often? i feel like i have, but it's true. it's so true.

i don't think i'm going to do any homework tonight. although, i should.

UGH. i just guilted myself into doing some homework.

purple eyeshadow look from my wales palette. sidekick phone so didn't get much color. ditched the horizontal bangs too. i've just been pushing my bangs to the side and working my hair line that way as well. i never got to grow to love my other bangs.

ohhh yess, that is purple eyeshadow on my bottom lash line. i used a mixing medium to really get it to stick. i finally got to making my own. i don't know if i've mentioned that, but it was 3 parts water to 1 part glycerin. stored it in a water bottle, poured what i needed in the cap making sure to shake well before and went to town. makes everything look so much more pigmented.

p.s

since you are not using any preservatives, obviously, make your batches in teaspoon amounts and throw out left overs after 2 to 3 weeks.

Chyeahhh.

what a pleasant day today came out to be!

first, the in-laws took achilles out to a baptism so i had the whole morning and afternoon to myself. i was able to catch up on some school work and most importantly, rest! hahaha.

then, when they dropped achilles off he was all ready for a nap so i put him down and got to some much needed tidying up. nothing like a clean room to max and relax in.

when busko got home from work we decided to head on to the baptism after party. there was a jumping house and achilles had a ball! it reminded me of super mario everytime jumped. i swear i was there watching him while making super mario sound effects. HAHAHA.

now i'm home getting some laundry done. i've got a good 2 weeks worth of laundry. and between me, busko, and achilles, that is A LOT. i don't know how the two of them can go through so much clothes. well okay, i can understand achilles since it's me always changing his clothes. hahaha. but i can seriously wear the same pair of pants for a whole week. yeah, i'm NASTEH.

my dog has random bald spots that are beginning to worry me. end.

tomorrow will be a lazy sunday. that's how i like my sundays to be though, chilllll. i'm just going to go to the laundermat to get all these clothes dried and i'm going to pull a couch potato. eh, no shame in that.

dude. semester is almost over. can you believe that?? it's over on the 30th of may. wowwwzer. seriously went by with a quickness. i'll have a few weeks of vacation before i start my summer classes.

well, yeah i'm taking summer classes. do you want me to be in community college forever?

i know i know. how can i ever part with my beloved dr. rainbow?? but he'd understand. he'd probably like me to pursue higher education so as to have more axon terminals and nuerons in my brain and shit.

ahhhhh. now i'm jamming out to some mika. relaaxxxx take itttt easssyyyyyyyyy.

i'm thinking of switching from my harajuku lovers messenger tote bag to my backpack from highschool. totes freaking hurt my back! i don't think i want to sacrifice my posture for style!

...or would i?

AH SUKI SUKI, I LOVE YOU.

ahead of the game and i'm feeling it.

as far as homework goes, i am five steps ahead.

..but knowing me i will take advantage of that until i realize i am five steps behind. buahaha.

anyways, i recieved my package from cherry culture a few days ago.

the eyeshadow singles i had wanted to try out are superb to say the least! the color is nicely pigmented, application is smooth, and blending is a dream. they're called kissy wear eyeshadow singles and they cost a buck each!! you really can't beat that now, can you?

as for the lipsticks, they're GREAT quality. i'm just not feeling the shades i got. no, not even fire. i'm going to shy back to my pink and taupes.

anyhowwwww, i am so freaking bored. busko left to san felipe on friday until tuesday. they're camping at the beach....luckies.

oh well, school is kind of a priority....i guess....maybe....but the beach!?!? sigh.

i gave gordo a bath yesterday. he was looking brown! i don't know why, but he enjoys to lay in patches of dirt. keep in mind i live in the antelope valley so the dirt here is loose. ugh. tell me when the guy is going to quit shedding so much! i know it's getting warmer, but he's been shedding a puppy a day these past few weeks. ackk.

i think i might go back to my reading. i have nothing else better to do unless i eat, but you know, that's how people get fat.

don't eat out of boredom. learn from my mistakes.

toothache.

i need a root canal and gum surgery since the decay has seeped deep into my gums.

i'm sad.

my insurance only covers so much. 787 dollars out of my own pocket. really debating about just getting the sucker pulled out. it's just a molar after all, but gah, i don't want to look cracked out.

i got a B on my english midterm. i fucking hate Bs! too bad i got another B on my math exam today. motherfucker.

..potty mouth.

tomorrow is my bio midterm and i'm feeling preetty confident about it. i've dedicated a lot of memorization to it. i should do fine, probably another damn B.

ughh. my tooth hurts! i can't even chew on that side. so sad. so so sad.

busko is leaving to san felipe for four days on friday with his family. it just leaves me, achilles, busko's sister in law, neice and nefu here at the house. i really wish i could go, but i've got escuela and i'm afraid of not being let back into america being that i am a legal resident. lol

..paranoid..

I CUT MY BANGS. omg.

sigh. i asked for whispy bangs and i got this dense fringe. oh wells. hair grows back. i'm over it.

i purchased my first red lipstick earlier.

i ordered it online from cherryculture.

it's from the nyx round lipstick collection. it was like a dollar each, and i've heard some rave reviews on some of the shades.

so i was planning on going with my regular sheer pinks and taupe kind of shades, but then i came across the shade 'fire.' maybe it was just a momentary lapse, but i added it to my cart.

i want to have fun with it. it seems red lipstick is in the in now, but i've seen it in cases where it made the girl look like she had an std.

..i hope that's not the case for me, but damn, i've always wanted a red lipstick. my mom use to wear red lipsticks, my grandma too even. then why not me?? i use to wear my grandma's and make faces in the mirror when i was younger.

in a few weeks time i will have my very own red lippie! i will take the time to actually line my lips and fill in with the firreeeeee.

now take into consideration i've never really played up my lips makeup wise. it was always usually just my eyes. the reason being because your girl has got some full lips! my aunts always told me that the boys would like them, but i don't know, i was always so self concious about them. the most i'd wear on my lips was like a sheer lip gloss or something, otherwise it was lip balm all day everyday, baby.

so it was not until recently that i've really accepted my lips and realized that people line their lips all crazy and inject god knows what into their lips just to have lips like mine. :D

oh, i also ordered a few other things from cherryculture. just a few eyeshadow singles that i wanted to try out, another eyeshadow brush, and a few other lipsticks.

i'll blog about the haul and my lips of fire as soon as i get my package.

my eyebrows are so grown out, guys! i'm so excited at the possibilities when i pluck these babies! normally i'm the victim of overplucking and i swear i'll try and avoid that at all costs this next time around. i've always wanted full, shapely, natural looking brows, but because of my overplucking i always have thin aZn brows. thank goodness for brow powder.

i went to the dollar store today. i mosied on over to their makeup section. what the hell is this aziza brand? i looked up reviews and it got surprisingly good ones! i'd like to try some out just to do a review, but i don't think i can muster up the strength to be seen purchasing dollar store makeup.

no, i don't have the strength.

i also went to CVS. milani has a summer collection out. lots of shimmery bronze colors, nothing that really caught my eye though. i did see a shade of blush that looked like a good dupe of mac's frosted.

gah, i forgot to buy some glycerine! i'm really wanting to make my own mixing medium so i can foil my mineral eyeshadows. i have so much, but i hate loose pigments. it seems that foiling them is the way to go.

my poster project is almost done. it'll be done by tomorrow if i decide to labor a little bit more into it tonight. nahhhh.

OMG. monistat chafing cream as a face makeup primer!?!??!

so i wanted to play makeup..

but while washing my face i really got a good look at my skin.

holy crap is it bad. my skin has never been this bad, well maybe it has in like the 7th grade, but just on my forehead and around the sides, nowhere noticeable. but now, now it's on my cheeks! how sad. so sad.

i decided to take pictures of the sides of my face and it depressed me even more.

ugh. i still need to find that perfect skin regimen my skin will be happy about. my skin has never been so fickle. it seems to react someway to everything!

i don't want to go back to proactiv. yes, it worked, but only to a certain degree and then it just stopped showing improvement. i want my smooth clear skin again!

i realized my skin started lashing out on me around the same time i started school. could it be stress related?

or even hereditary? everybody in my family had bad skin in some point in their life, usually in their twenties. GASP. i'm going to be 20 this year. how SAD.

i'm probably going to return to using proactiv. even if it doesn't completely clear my skin, at least it does a little. sigh.

anywho.

i'm so tired, but i have been working on my stupid poster project since like 8. it's just so tedious. my biology professor has a schematic kind of thing that we need to follow right down to the last detail. so i'm not really using any creative juices in this project, just following what the Doctor ordered.

i need a haircut. my bangs and layers are totally grown out. i probably need to retouch my hair color too. yeah, i probably do. i don't know how i can justify spending 30 dollars on getting my dog groomed yet it hurts to shell out close to the same amount i spend on gordo to get a haircut for myself! it's clearly necessary now though. i've been rocking pony tails and buns. that is the red flag for a haircut!

thinking about dumping my side bangs and getting some cute wispy bangs. what do you think? i'm tired of side bangs.

you know what, i think i'll go for it. if i hate it...then darnit.

got back from san jose yesterday.

and i'm so sad.





i hate leaving. i really do. my heart will always be in the bay area. always.





i'll be back in a few years. count on it.





the curse of the antelope valley will not wrap its dry desert-y hands around me! i WILL get out of here!





anyways, let's re-cap san jose!





it was so fun! we went to the monterey bay aquarium with my cousin, his family, and my aunt and her family. achilles had a blast. we literally had to drag him away from the different exhibits. he especially loved the huge tank with the huge tuna fish! those things are scary looking, by the way! oh god, scarier looking than sharks even!





fish creep me out. seriously.





i took a bunch of pictures of the different species. i plan on sharing them with my biology professor. i even got a picture of a chiton, he'd really enjoy that. yeah, i'm a kiss ass. kiss asses get far in the world. don't you forget it.





i really wish dr. rainbow didn't just throw a poster project in my face to do during the vacation. that and i need to study for the biology lecture midterm for next week. otherwise i would have stayed in san jose for this whole week. boo boo.





speaking of my poster project, i got started on it a bit ago. i got a fair amount done and i'm so happy with it. i normally lack skills in drawing, but i surprised myself tonight. my plant cell looks pretty kick ass if you ask me. :D





let's see. i'm not going back to san jose until may for my cousin's baby's first birthday/ baptism. not to mention i am one of her god parents. yayyyyy! my name is on the invitation and everything. hahahah.





yawn. i'm tired.





i think i'll end this blog with a quick note. i'm always free to do anyones makeup for whatever ocassion. just check out my skills.





i call this an amy winehouse drag look.

true colors mineral powder stack in a burgundy-ish red on his cheeks. a revlon color stay lip color in knarly purple on his lips. just an all over gray color from my revlon smokey eye quad over entire lid. mac carbon lined his bottom lash line and very heavy eye liner on bottom lash line and top. i used avon in this look. i put it on heavy and brought it out into those wings, and in his inner corner for that cat eye look.

he was feeling it, obviously.

my lab practical and trip to san jose.

so,

i totally got the 2nd highest score on our lab practical yesterday, PLUS i've got the second overall highest grade in the class.

yes, i'm stoked.

my spring break kicked off to a wonderful start.

i'm in san jose right now. the weather is freaking lame. it's gray and gloomy. the trip here wasn't so bad. gordo didn't have an accident, not one. he hated his seat belt harness though so we ended up taking it off, but it was better that way. he stopped barking and just slept practically the whole way. so, aside from the random dog farts, the trip up here was a lot better than i expected.

i had pho last night, you know, vietnamese soup. OH GOD, it was sooo good. i haven't had pho in FOREVS. i should've taken a picture, but it didn't cross my mind. it was perfect.

so on to the rest of my vacation. will be back in desert land monday night.

maybe it isn't so bad after all..

the picture quality is bad. i took it with my laptop's web cam. busko took the digital camera dirtbiking this morning.

anywho, i was surprised after trying the more shimmery shades of the wales palette. the applied smoothly, evenly, and the blending was surprisingly passable.

in this picture i used a shimmery mute beige all over the lid, a shimmery dark brown on the outer half, and a gold on top, plus a shimmery vanilla kind of color to highlight my brown bone.

i had fun with this look. it's neutral.

so i guess i will get some use out of my wales eyeshadows. yayyy.

i forgot to mention the wearability of these shadows.

they last. they really do. take it from me, after a few short hours my face usually becomes an oil slick. i had no problems with these shadows creasing. they last as long as when i wear mac.

anyways, let's stray away from makeup talk for a bit.

i have my lab practical for biology tomorrow! YIKES. i've been studying, but i feel like i need to study some more, but i just don't know what to study. hahaha.

so after my lab class i am off to san jose for spring break! CHYEAH. yes, i know i have psychology tomorrow too, but that class doesn't end until 7pm, so i think i'm going to skip it. it's a 5 hour drive to san jose after all, plus we're taking gordo!

wish us a smooth trip and no dog poops in the car!

so i'm going to get that

my wales eyeshadow palette review.

so i was over joyed to find my little package in the mail yesterday.

the palette shipped in perfect condition, none of the shadows were broken or even cracked.

bravo to the seller and the careful packaging, 2 layers of bubble wrap.

the package of the shadow palette itself is functional. just a huge square that flips open. now where the eyeshadows rest is another story, it's just a soft plastic plate kind of thing with pots to hold the shadows. yes, the shadows are at least in their own metal tin.

i purchased the 72 shade palette. the size of the shadows is kind of a let down. they look huge on camera, but in reality, they are about the size of a penny. the pigmentation is, to say the least, just okay. when applied to the brush, it looks so vibrant, but as soon it is applied to your actual lid the color is just..again..okay, kind of powdery in fact. note that this is when i applied it with a primer and foundation. i'm going to experiment and see how these shades stick and show on a white shadow stick base.

blendability was HORRIBLE. i couldn't get them to blend very well at all! i even went as far as rubbing the shadows with my finger!

the palette cost me about 3 dollars, and for that price, it's pretty good actually. unfortunately i ordered from over seas so shipping was about 15 dollars.

i'm going to reccomend this palette for the makeup novice, just gaining their ground in the art. it's also perfect for the person just beginning their makeup collection or wanting to experiment with different colors, but not wanting to waste their high end products.

also, this is for the person who doesn't want to use more than 2 shades at a time. as mentioned earlier, blending these shadows is almost impossible without losing integrity of the pigments on the lid.

all in all, 2 and a half stars out of 5 for the wales palette.

i ended up calling this my hooker look. it consisted of a hot pink all over the lid, and a bright purple on the other half of the lid. you can't really see the difference between them though. on top of that i had a darker purple kind of blue that really brought my hooker look together, and to be a classy hooker, i highlighted my brow bone in vanilla mac pigment.

oh, and don't mind my skin. i think i mentioned in previous posts that it's going crazy.

and here's a picture of the actual palette.

buggers look huge, don't they!?

my next review? those revlon 12 hour color stay shadow quads.

omg.

i'm so tired.

my face is clearing up, but since i mentioned that, it's probably going to freak out again.

i painted my nails yesterday. this isn't the norm for me since usually only my toe nails are painted, but i used some brand of white i don't know, but it painted easily and even. i decided to use some nyc brand clear top coat, but learn from mistake, kiddos.

stay away from nyc nail polishes. the shit cracked all crazy, and this is the top coat. so you could see these freaking lines across my nails over the white. how gay. oh, plus it's kind of thick so it bubbles up all crazy.

..still waiting on my wales palatte.

how ironic.

i've been watching nacho libre for the past few days and kept repeating the one line from the movie:

"don't you know i've been having diarrhea since easters!?"

low and behold, i had the runs this morning! easter morning. guurrreat.

i'm so tired.

did laundry today. went out to eat. came home. hid eggs for achilles. barbecued.

too bad achilles lost interest in finding eggs as soon as he realized there were candy in them. so i wasn't even able to get any pictures becaues as soon i got the camera, he was off doing something else.

i've got class tomorrow in the morning. boooo. at least it'll be my last week of school and them i'm off for a week for spring break! yesssss. i'll be leaving to san jose this friday. the plan was to stay for the week, but crap, i've got lots of homeworks. we'll see how much i can get done this week and if i can possible lighten the burden before san jose.

tired. tired tired. yawn.

jfdkajfdkjklkjla!!

and that is exactly how i feel right now.

motherfucker.

i'm about to pepper spray a ho, forrealz.

let me just listen to this new urrsher jam, calming. hahaha.

it doesn't help that i have 9 essays to do, and my math midterm is on monday. UGH.

let's be emotionally there again.

baby, i am fucking starving.

i'm starving for you. i'm starving for that feeling you use to give me, that feeling of living, that feeling of love.

just reach out a little bit more. meet me half ways. i'm waiting for you. it's not right the direction this relationship is going. let's keep the fire hot. let's keep the passion we know is still deep down in our guts.

let's hold hands. let's kiss. let's do all this without a single care in the world. you remember that? you remember that feeling? you miss it, don't you?

the weather is warming. our love blossomed during the summer time. our son was born in the summer time. this is our time to get things going again, baby. let's get it going.

i'm waiting for it. i'm waiting for you. i love you.

kiss me like there's guarantee of tomorrow. touch me like it's the first time.

acknowledge me, goddamnit.

my face is expensive.

from acne treatments to moisturizes, what really breaks the bank is MAKEUP.

and it's so sad that the only makeup that i'm happy with is that highend crap. i'm sure it made sense to my pre-motherhood mind to pay 15 dollars an eyeshadow single, but now, post-motherhood mind, that is way too freaking much.

i'm addicted. i'll admit it. i love makeup, especially eyeshadows. i've got big filipino eyes that love to be played with!

lately i have been on the hunt to find a cheap, highly pigmented, long lasting eyeshadow. i have found mediocore quality drug store brands, but have yet to find that perfect cheapie eyeshadow. i may just be in luck. i recently purchased a pallete of 72 shades of wales brand eyeshadow. apparently it's a quality brand for dirt cheap. i've been watching tutorials of girls using the palette on youtube and it seems promising. very promising.

now to play the waiting on shipping game. sigh.

i ordered it from a seller in hong kong through ebay, so it's obviously going to take a bit of time. i think the pallette itself cost like 4 dollars, but shipping was like 10+ dollars.

i will link you all to the seller's ebay store if i think the pallette is reccomendation worthy.

p.s
this time change threw me off crazy.

lurking leads to heart break.

i found myself on the page of an old friend. she was more than an old friend. she was family. she was what little i had to lean on. she was everything i was missing.

i don't know why it had to end the way it did. it was immature. we were always so on and off, but god, we both knew after that fight that the lights would forever be dimmed.

as far as myspace goes i'm glad to see you're okay. it seems as if you've finally embraced your appearance. i remember the talks we use to have of our insecurities and i remember just how sullen your tone of voice when get when you'd talk about your imperfections. i'd tell you, i'd tell you that you were crazy! that you were an attractive girl. it would just take some time for you to really see that.

we knew eachother in and out. your secrets, my secrets, our families secrets, our secrets that came naturally with being girls.

it was only a matter of time until we would grow apart. i wish i could just spill to you all of my new secrets being the woman i now am. i'd spill them into the tightly sealed vessel you've always been. i'd spill them and feel secure in knowing that you wouldn't repeat another word of it.

if time travel were possible, i'd fix everything. i'd fix it all.

i'm exhausted.

and i'm pretty pissed off that we lose an hour in a couple of days.

god.

that sucks.

my weekend has been devoured with homework and chores. i wish you could see my desk. it's a landfill.

ughhh. i cannot wait until spring break!

how's school?

still fun. time and energy consuming, but fun.

how's achilles?

we've recently started to reinforce time-outs. it works since he will stop dead in his tracks as soon as i say, "DO YOU WANT A TIME OUT??" hahahahaha.

how's gordo?

he is now officially a house dog. accidents are a thing of the past. i hope i just did not jinx it, but he's been perfect with going bathroom outside.

how is jenn?

i'm good. just tired and easily irked these days. especially these days, so close to midterms. actually, i was cut a break for 2 classes already. my bio midterm was suppose to be next tuesday, but my professor decided to move it to the following week. and today i just recieved all the topics i need to write an essay about from psychology, it's a take home mid term. it was suppose to be due next friday, but she decided to give us an extra week.

whew. relief. more time to study and more time to work.

wish me luck, everyone.

i have been out of my first class since 920am.

it's is now 1130 am and my next class does not start until 215pm.

i'm still here at school..in the computer lab.

why?

because busko works and you know, i don't drive. and the guy used my laptop last night without plugging the charger back in.

gay.

irked.

ugh. i freaking twisted my ankle going down the stairs earlier. my tooth is aching and my dentist appointment is not until next month. my son is driving me bonkers. my dog has been having one too many accidents these past 2 days. busko is being a grade a fucking jerk.

kill me. seriously. but then bring me back to life on monday, i have school.

maybe one before class.

what the hell am i doing??

i should be studying!

CURSE YOU, BLOGGERRRR!

okay..

so my last blog was pretty sporadic and my thoughts were all over the place.

okay, so i got an english bulldog for valentine's day. he is cute, sweet, and will eat your crap purse dog.

school has been taking a majority of time so i haven't had much time to blog, BUT there is ALWAYS time for myspace.

achilles has started his terrible 2s half a year early. he has become more of a daredevil than ever, climbing anything and everything, jumping off of them, and toddler tantrums suck.

so there you go. that's an update to the going ons of my life thus far.

today.

today i finally bought my laptop. i've been needing one for school and i didn't fancy bumming off of busko's or his brother's. infact, i am on my new laptop now. it's an hp and i got it for a pretty fair price. i just need to remember to do my rebates. buahaha.

i went back to school today after a four day weekend. i only had biology today so it wasn't too bad. but the shit did hit the fan when i found out that i was suppose to make up for the lab that was on friday (which was the first day of the vacay) in another lab class. lucky for me that hottie too hottie dr. rainbow is letting me re-take the quiz and turn in my pre-labs during one of his office hours this week. chyeah.

NOTE.

all referrences of my saying that my biology professor is hott is strictly sarcastic. although i still wouldn't mind jumping his bones. ;]

it's the same kind of attraction juno's bestfriend had for their teacher. a weird one. hahaha.

alright. i gotta put the little monster to bed! and catch up on a bit of homework.

finally had some time..

to blog!

school has been taking up all my time! and any extra time I have; I of course dedicate to my family and ocassionally check on myspace. lol

anyways, I have yet to drown into the deep waters of college yet. the work load has been fine and the way my schedule works I am only up at the crack of dawn every other day so I always have the next day to catch up on sleep. yes, it's nice. :]

oh! happy belated valentine's day, everyone!

achilles wore his valentine pant suit and busko got me a dog! not just any dog, but an english bulldog! I named him gordo and I love him to bits and pieces!

I couldn't believe it when busko told me what he was giving me for heart's day! I had been wanting an english bulldog since I was 13!

gordo is so perfect. he just really works into my current lifestyle. he isn't needy at all. he just stays in his kennel all day to lay around and sleep. he will ask to come out to use the bathroom and eat, but as soon as he is done he goes right back in. achilles was so scared of him the first day we got him, but he's okay now. he was actually giving gordo hugs earlier. so freaking cute.

tomorrow gordo will be 6 months! yayy. we brought him to the groomer earlier and he came out spiffy looking. his white fur was glowing! lol I also bought him this cute polka dotted bandana. the bandanas that our groom package came with didn't fit him. I felt so bad for gordo that I bought him a bandana that actually fit! smh.

edit and add on later.

you remember that professor i was so afraid of?

you know, my biology professor, Dr. Rainbow. well, he is by far my favorite teacher so far!

he is freaking awesome, in that eccentric too knowledgeable kind of way.

plus, he's making 106k a year! nig is making it raiiinnnn. fo sho.

oh yes, his biology course will definitely be a rigorous one, but i'm willing to put up with it. dr. rainbow honestly seems like those kind of teachers that really imprint themselves in your life, as far as academics go.

LET'S DO SOME, KINESTHETICS!! yayyyyyy.

p.s
are you checked in??

p.s.s
you will not understand those last two lines if you are not one of his students. lol

I have been up since 530am.

I just got home from a birthday party at mulligan's. during that time I chased an 18 month around an arcade and play area, all that so my 'boyfriend' can hang out with his cousins since he purchased an unlimited pass.

it's 10 now. we've been there since 6. you can imagine how tired I am. not only that, but I have 2 labs to write up and a chapter to summarize. he knew that, yet he had the nerve to ask if he could stay later and have his cousin take him home.

uh, no?

so now I'm the bad guy and he's acting like a distant dick spew.

let's see who the bad guy will be when I start making it rain after I complete my major!

fucking men.

I am too damn exhausted to even open up my bio book. forget it. I will have to integrate it into my schedule tomorrow somehow..perhaps inbetween laundry cycles...if achilles lets.

fucking men.

have i perhaps bitten off more than i could chew?

okay, so it really hit me that i am taking 14 units this semester.

my biology class alone asks students to devote 15 hours a WEEK to study. pish posh you might think, but i have university students saying that the same exact class i am in has been their most rigorous bio course EVER.

scary.

i just need things to click in the old noggin again. get these rust gears lubed, because once they get going, THERE'S NO STOPPING. woooooo. yeahhhhhh.

guess what?

i bought myself a hole puncher. chyeah.

now loose handouts will be damned to the prongs of my binder! MUAHAHAHAHA.

OH, i bought a new tote today. well, busko bought it for me. it's HELLO KITTY! yayyyyy. it's a pretty good size too. i am able to fit my life in there and a grip of binders and books. i can probably even fit a mexican orphan baby in there.

...maybe.

i'm wanting to challenge my math class.

there are some serious holes and gaps in my college's math portion of the assessment test.

i don't know what i am doing in this math 060, but i can't exactly call it an easy A since it's a credit/ no credit class. i know there are things i need refreshing on, but seriously, addition? subtraction?

shoot me.

i figure i will just tough out, excuse me i mean, easy out this math class and challenge math 070. that way i could get straight into 102 for the fall. :]

smh. math and i? we are in dire need of counseling. it was never my strongest subject, but i KNOW i can't be this novice at it!

whteva. you stick to what you know and my heart goes out to my sweet sweet english, history, and science.

i am exhausted! luckily i only have on class tomorrow and it is not until 2 in the afternoon.

i guess i have nothing else better to do right now than bed. nitey nite.

sometimes small things like calculators..

can cause drama.

OH EM GEE.

DON'T ASK QUESTIONS. we shall leave it at that.

p.s
my biology professor isn't so bad after all.

I'm so tired..

I finished my first class of my first day of college a bit ago.

teacher seemed friendly, work seemed pretty familiar, and the class seemed nice.

she had us read a poem and write an essay about what we thought about it. shit, I am rusty! it took me forever to come up with a decent thesis! the whole essay was pretty rough, but I'm pretty sure I got the required back bone in it..probably a very weak back bone though..lol

my next class, math, is not until 215. I'm here at home, just had lunch, and am about to take a nap.

so far college is....interesting..

oh, I don't feel so bad starting college late now because of the 30-40 year olds in my class. buahahhaha.

will add later.

p.s
I didn't get lost.

edit 7pm//

my math class was juvenile, although i'm not complaining. we actually did a get to know you activity. it consisted of telling the class your name, your goals attending college, and a fruit or vegetable that best describes who you are and why.

well, my name is jenn. i am pursuing my associates degree in nursing. i plan to transfer to university to complete a bachelors degree in nursing. and if i were a vegetable, i'd be potato because it is lame, BUT in the right environment, it could be a PLETHORA of flavors. MUAHAHAHA.

okay, i didn't do the muahaha part. hahahah.

my teacher is a friendly asian guy with a bit of an accent. i can understand him, but he is a poor speller. i assume it's his pronunciation problem with certain sounds that different letters make. i don't mind. turns out that the original person who was to teach the class backed out and the course was almost canceled, but dear Mr. Tran took over.

i am so exhausted. i was able to take a quick nap a bit ago before i left back to campus for math. it might've been a bad idea because when i woke up, my face was melting off. lol

tomorrow i am to meet my hardest teacher according to ratemyprofessors.com. oh god, wish me luck.

tomorrow is the first day..

..of semester.

ugh. i think i'm ready? i hope i don't get lost. mothereffer. 

don't get me wrong, i'm excited and all, just not for the part of having to get up early. i've never been good at waking up at the crack of dawn. NEVER.

only when i was younger and i wanted to catch saturday morning cartoons..but that's totally different.

wish me luck!

excited.

I'm leaving to the bay area for a few days to visit the fam bam. I haven't seen them since november. I get to give them their christmas presents and meet my newborn first nefu! funnnn.

ugh. my stomach hurts. I had a piece of coconut cream pie that was way overwhelmingly sweet! too late to regret it.

god, I clean this freaking room and either achilles or busko mess it right back up! achilles is excuseable since you know, he's a toddler. that's what he's suppose to do. but I am sick of cleaning up after a grown man. sheesh!

I have to get up at 430am to get ready to leave to the yay by 5ish. and it's already going to be midnight. I guess I could sleep in the car. I guess. I only guess.

I am sleepy and I am annoyed. and I will not name names to avoid scathing feelings. instead I will give stink eye! muahahaahah!

night.

excited.

yawn.

it's early and i'm tired. i don't know why. i didn't do much today, just the usual. you know, take care of the sonsie, but i did do the laundry today. and boy let me tell you, it gets tiring going up and down those stairs!

ugh. bills suck. especially if you go to school exclusively. why couldn't currency be shells or pretty rocks? i'm telling you, those native americans had the right idea.

i've got my follow up dentist appointment on monday. more fillings. i hope they let me keep my lip ring in. i had to take it out for the xrays for my last appointment. i decided to just keep the ring out until the end of the check up, not sure if the dentist was going to let me keep it in or not. well when i was all done, the shit was freaking closing already! i seriously i had to re-pierce myself through both sides! it was horrible.

oh, i felt like i should have been apologizing to the dentist for my whacked out teeth! hahaha. oh, and apparently i have an extra random tooth still inside my gums towards the front upper portion of my grill. CRAZY, HUH?? i saw it right there in the xray! i HOPE it never cuts through. that would suck. i would cry.

god, i hate my grill. i hate it with a passion. forget braces, just hook it up with the veneers! holla.