In an ideal world..

..your skin would be glowing and you'd have dark, thick, luxurious and shiny curls on top your head. You're plump and happy. You'd smile at me and say.."Neng, good job."

I'm getting there, Ti Menchie. Everything you wanted for me, I'm making progress to get there. It's hard not being able to just dial your number and tell you that I passed my classes for the semester- or better yet, that I'm finally able to sign up for the nursing program!

We'd talk about our plans for the holidays, what we are getting for our kids, and you'd tell me not to worry about buying anything for your daughter..but like every year, I do.

This is so unbelievably difficult. In less than a week, it's Christmas, then soon after, New Year's! Major holidays without your cooky customs for good luck, health and prosperity. Major holidays without your voice..but most importantly, just you.

I'm wearing one of the perfumes you gave me. You couldn't stand the smell during your pregnancy and even after Hope was born! It's a little bit comforting though, that your hands once held the very same bottle, your finger pushed down on the very same spritzer, and you smelled the very same as I do now.

You wished the best for me so that I may take care of my family- Achilles, your grandson. You always urged me in my studies to become a nurse, that that's what I needed to be. In all honesty though, Tia, what I need to be..is like you.

You had a heart of gold, pure gold, bound by the finest sheets of silk and velvet. You had a face that was kind, warm, always welcoming and your generosity was beyond peaks I've ever known. That is what I need to be, Tia. A nurse? Yeah, maybe one day, but to mirror the same aspects of humanity that you did....that would surely be something I'd be more proud of.