it's like a big fuck you.

you reach out to people, but they constantly turn you down.

and WTF. something just fell onto the floor and i am hella scared right now.

ANYWAYS, i'm back home from being in san jose for close to two weeks. san jose is fucking gay. there, i said it. the scene and vibe are different. maybe i'm getting old, but it's not for me. i hate that it doesn't feel like home anymore. i hate how everybody seems so fucking fake- so fucking the same.

fuck you and your skinny jeans, your brightly colored shirts, and side bangs. funny how this works for both the males and females, eh?

LANCASTER. is lame. that's true. there's not much here. BUT THAT'S WHY I LOVE IT! there is NO scene. everybody is on their own accord here. diversity is beautiful.

but i'm too old to be worrying about physical appearances. lord knows i've let myself go a little bit......

i'm really distraught. there's a lot going on. i've lost faith in religion and God a long time ago, but i'm needing something right now. i'm needing a little more. there is only so much i can do. oh God, please forgive me.

all i can do is keep my nose in my damn books, keep my pen tightly intertwined through my fingers and write......

i am so sick.

merry christmas, by the way.